My Love-Hate Relationship with Fitness

imageAt my heaviest I weighed in at 190 pounds at five feet one inch.  I said to myself HELL NO this is not my life.  When I saw my clothes size balloon for me up to a size 12 and 14 I was secretly devastated but I was also upset about the things that had happened in my life.

Being a size six all throughout high school and even in my early 20’s was the best feeling ever so I knew something was up when after working out my size 6’s didn’t fit anymore. Surprise…You’re Pregnant!  I was elated about my first little bundle of joy.  I had a c-section so working out was not an option for at least eight weeks because for one I had sutures and had at least six weeks to wait for clearance from my doctor to do anything. Needless to say my mother-in-law at the time was extremely rude and insensitive about my weight gain and said to me when my baby—Lil Phil—was two months old, “You know what you can do to lose weight don’t you?”  I was emotionally unprepared for such a statement to come out of her mouth.  I immediately called my husband in tears while guzzling some Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream.  Postpartum hormones on 10!

I lost my weight by running four times a week at the time while in the Air Force.  Of course my second blessing was born while I was on active duty so the pressure to get back right was important to me.  Then next thing I knew in 2007 I was moving to my home state, in a new house, and relearning a familiar town but now as an adult.  I joined the gym but then that eventually got boring.

I fought with my then husband, we separated, I changed careers, I gained weight from lack of exercise, I lost weight due to overwhelming stress, I drank some, I slept a lot…I was unhappy and scared to start over.  Then one day I looked at my stomach full of stretch marks, my thick ass thighs, size 14 pants and decided that this was not healthy.  I hated feeling like I couldn’t cross my legs or feel completely comfortable in my clothes.  I was self-conscious but hid it with a smile.

Stress caused me to gain at one point because I was not active at all.  All I did was take care of my sons, go to work, and sleep.  I was trying to figure out my life and starting over.  I was 30 years old and my life was in an uproar.  I took charge!

So post divorce in 2011 I picked up a tennis racket and went to a private lesson with a group of friends.  It was fun and the tennis pro was fun.  I didn’t put the racket down and my true weight loss journey began.  I was determined to lose about 40 pounds because I felt entirely too heavy to be so short.  I have been playing tennis since the top of 2012 and I love it.  It keeps me active.  I was not good when I started and the way I play now is a major improvement.  So here I am five years later still playing, I have been on different teams under different captains, I have even been the captain…  My love affair with staying fit is a struggle especially when life gets in the way.

On top of playing tennis I was at the gym and at times spending up to three hours on some days working out.  Not the plan, but after leaving the gym I would get a text asking who could play tennis so I would jump at the opportunity especially in the summer time. I even jumped on the P90X extreme workouts and would tap out at about day 60.

I had a time or two that I took to the pavement again, playing around with the C25K running app.  I’d make it to week five and then get totally thrown off.  Life would interrupt my workout schedule and next thing I knew I was slowly gaining weight.

I saw my dress size begin to shift.  Those 14’s dropped to an eight and suddenly I felt too small.  Right now I am at a steady weight, some days I’m okay at 165, then it’ll drop to 160 and I’m okay with that.  I have a love-hate relationship with fitness.  I work out to relieve stress, take my mind off of things, and weight maintenance.  I still have a belly full of stretch marks and some days my stomach appears flat; other days I look at it and I’m reminded that life was carried there.

I am an active person.  I’m always going to show you something real.  This body takes work…cardio…elliptical…tennis…ministepper…running.  I don’t want to be pushing 200 pounds ever again.  I took control.  Besides I have to be around for Lil Phil and Pressy. They keep me young!

My journey to staying fit is ever evolving.  I’m not going to pay for a body.  I’ll just work on the body God gave me.

~LaTilya Rashon

10 Things I’m Proud Of

When you are grateful.  Fear disappears and abundance appears. ~Anthony Robbins

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I have been inspired by list posts and recently took a second look at my 35 Randoms Thoughts on the eve of my 35th birthday and the 7 Things You Should Do in 2017 and my oh my have I enlightened my own self.

I am in such a different space in my life from the restart of my blog (March 2016) as I pursue my writing and grabbing opportunities to express myself (Pursue Your Dream Career).  I love lists….I write everything down and look back at the things I affirm in myself and feel a sense of pride when things come to fruition.

Right now there are so many thoughts in my head about what I’m trying to do and where I’m trying to go and I know that the next few years are going to push me closer to my purpose.  In the meantime I’ll just focus right here at Tilyarealeyes.com and put things into the atmosphere and watch them come full circle.  

So here’s to the 10 Things I’m Proud Of

10.  I began my college journey at the University of Florida the glorious summer of 2000.  My #1 school of choice and I had a blast…my very first Blue & White weekend, being introduced to Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. by way of the fabulous Mu Epsilon Chapter…endless memories…oh what a time I had.

9.  Due to the fun I had at UF, I subsequently enlisted into the United States Air Force and spent six wonderful years on active duty.  I met some amazing people…but I also walked away with 2 associate degrees and my bachelors when I separated in 2007…Honorable Discharge…Veteran Status

8.  I have given birth to the most amazing little boys on the side of heaven.  I’m supposed to be proud as their mother…that damn Lil Phil (3.4.04) waited 20 hours to make his appearance into this world…after contracting, I stalled at 5 centimeters so a c-section it became and he’s still stubborn to this day.. #Big   Then came the baby, my Preston (2.9.06) my little genius and scheduled c-section.  He melts my heart…so innocent…so sweet…so caring… #Little

7. My trials and tribulations in life remind me that everyone struggles at times and it is a part of life but it’s ultimately about how you handle things.  I have no choice but to be resilient…I have children to take care of.  I am defined by my experiences and that is what completes me.  db42f1c66ab6b254f78baae55b330a64

Taking a deeper look though, my first name has 7 letters in it…L.A.T.I.L.Y.A.

Loyal…Ambitious…Talented…Intelligent…Loveable…Yummy…Amazing

My journey makes me aware of who I am…7…the number of completion!

6.  I have been in the traditional classroom for 9 years and I love it!  It’s not easy each day or each year.  In time middle school will be my foundation as I move up to the next level.

5.  Five years ago…April 2012 I closed on my first home…ALL by MYSELF at the age of 30. God is so Good!  These past 5 months have shook me up…my marriage ended…a financial setback…but I’m home!  The devil got busy, but I’m grounded in what’s mine and I give it all to God.

4. I have survived what might drive others crazy.  I am not ashamed of my second divorce, nope not one bit.  Marriage 1 changed me, matured me, and birthed me my 2 delicious babies.  Marriage 2 taught me what I deserve and I don’t deserve to be cheated on, lied to, disrespected, or unappreciated.  It was not all bad but the truth of the matter it was a struggle.  I have my dignity and I learned my lesson. I’m not sure if 3 times is the charm… Who Knows…But You Already Knew That…I Want The Magic.

3.  Writing my book, My Fourth Year in Middle School will always be a proud moment.  Personal, honest and something I always wanted to do.  So stay tuned for my next body of work.  Because I’m super critical of myself, when The Journey to Here is complete it will be because I’m ready for you to see it.  Being a creative is not easy…I’m passionate about MY words and how I intricately weave them together.

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2.  My education!  I’m modest about it, but having someone speak life in me and say, “You should introduce yourself as Dr. Williams”, it is a constant reminder of my accomplishments.  Surround yourself with people that SPEAK LIFE into your existence, your being, your soul, your day…those are the kind of people to have on your team. Community College of the Air Force…Thomas Edison State College (now University)…Bellevue University…Nova Southeastern University…Since 2000 I pursued my education and ultimately became Dr. LaTilya Williams.  No easy feat…but yes I did it.

1. My spirituality!  I luh God!  He is the author of my life.  Without him I would not be able to stand strong.  I am where I am in life because of him and I embrace all of my blessings.  My life is changing for the Good…the Great…the Better.

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Let Go Of What Was, Embrace What Is To Come

In the pursuit of greatness I sometimes find myself side-tracked, off task, distracted, and shut down.  I take those times to think, reflect, regroup, and re-channel my energy into something productive.  My blog is my refuge and outlet.  My blog is my safe place even though my words are very public.

In this second month of this New Year I am going to take the time to live and timeshare because life is too short to sit still, be unhappy, and missing out on great opportunities.  I have vowed in 2017 to do a lot of things that will propel my life and I am going to let one of my focuses for this month be to Not Dwell on the Past.letting-go

The intricate details of my life have been discussed, chronicled throughout my personal journals, this blog, and my book.  I have been told that I reveal too much at times and I should keep some things to myself, but I disagree.  I have stated that I share my story because someone may be inspired by the things I say, have experienced, and ultimately have revealed.

It is no secret that I was married at the tender age of 21 and that union lasted eight years and my two amazing sons were gifts from that union.   I learned a lot about myself in my twenties.  I was a firecracker, easily set off and ready to blow at any given moment.  I have since grown up past that, but sometimes I feel that heat rising and I have to take a step back. RELAX AND RELEASE!

It is also no secret that I just filed for divorce, and this is a mixed blessing.  I was swept off my feet in the beginning of that relationship but things changed.  Changed so drastically that I don’t even recognize who I was in that marriage.  So who I was a year ago is not who I am today since making the conscious decision to live life more abundantly.  You cannot control how someone treats you, nor can you hope that someone will change, that has to be a personal choice.  So today and from this day forward I CHOOSE ME.

Lately, there have been so many relationships around me falling apart that it makes me wonder what is really going on.  You’d think in the cold months someone would want to be cuffed, but I am seeing some really great women being taken for granted that were in COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS…primarily MARRIAGES.  It throws me because in general we learn how people feel about us based on how they treat you.  Those red flags be there… The tell-tell signs were ever-present, but HOPE had us holding on…

RED FLAGS

I don’t want a relationship (outright being stated loud and clear)

Random phone calls

Random texts

Sporadic behavior (disappearing acts, no calls, no quality time, IGNORING)

Endless excuses

Things just truly not making sense (LIES, LIES, LIES)

I won’t dwell on the past (all of those red flags) because my future is too bright to not take time out to enjoy myself with people that want to spend time with me.  I would rather share my time with someone who appreciates the whole me, not just my likable parts! It’s all about timesharing!  Nope I’m not talking about vacationing, but if that occurs then, so be it.

I’d rather share my time over late night conversations and pancakes versus loud clubs and hot wings (even though I love chicken).  Being asked on an actual date to see a movie that ends in a hug rather than Netflix and Chill (even though I keep my finger on the remote ready to binge watch what’s poppin).  My idea of timesharing is about making eye contact and talking about current events, while watching television and getting your feet massaged. YES THINGS LIKE THIS REALLY HAPPEN. 

Acknowledging that you like someone’s company with no strings attached because you don’t want a commitment but the potential is present.  Be myself to point of endless laughter because the chemistry is beyond the physical, it is encompassed by the mental and the spiritual and nurturing the emotional.  I want to share my energy with someone that will pick my brain for unanswered questions because they find it stimulating and exciting.  Sharing a cocktail or two of your favorite beverage just to unwind from your day because it’s nice to listen to music and not feel rushed to do anything other than what you are doing.  Intimate Happy Hour please!

The list goes on and on about the kind of experiences that make time sharing worth my while and someone pretty AMAZING would have to come along to make me believe in and feel LOVE again.  All women want to be loved…pay attention love is not just words, it’s actions as well.

Not dwelling on the past and time sharing opens up the door for two-way support, open communication, and a drama free existence.  Cuddling, macchiatos at Starbucks, working out in the gym keeping it tight and right, and meeting someone at the store just to be on the same aisle as them has the element of  satisfaction that is enough to keep someone thinking, blushing, and reminiscing for hours and days at a time.  This is a reality that many women could only dream about happening.  A reality relishing in the enjoyment of a man craving the essence of your being in order to make the friendship stronger and the connection longer lasting.

I have heard it before and now I really get it…

Let a man change your life, teach you some things, make love to my soul before he change your status.

No longer dwelling…embracing what is to come…

~LaTilya Rashon