Thing 3: Coaching Myself

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Today I sat, I read, I prayed, and I listened to what my mind, body and spirit was gently preparing me for.  Then in my subconsciousness my body felt the sudden urge to move.  Not move outside of my house but move closer to my chromebook so that I could sit up and write.

It is a new month and I have yet to really type out my focus and present a new blog but I can say that my mind has been very busy with ideas, lists, goals, and timelines that I must crank something out today.  Even though I successfully converted my Brown Sugar Magic book into a more focused Goal Setting and Success Coaching Guide that I want to convert into an email course or something… working on the logistics of that!  I’m doing all of this by myself, so I’m taking my time!

However lately, I have been on a quiet journey of re-centering myself because I’ve needed divine intervention in my thought processes while ultimately working on me.  Ironically light has transcended through me and I have been helping others not really thinking about it in that way.  I only know I’ve been helping because of the messages and encouragement I have received.  But in my readings today, two things stood out and they made my heart race just a little bit…  have I been Believe in your worth.

Release any doubts of your value.Believe in your worth.

Release any doubts of your value.pouring into others when I felt empty? and, am I truly preparing myself for what I want?

I did a live video the other day on my LaTilya Rashon “tilyarealeyes”page and while I got feedback, I said to myself that I was just beginning to scratch the surface of the work that I am doing on myself.  I’m going to do a follow-up to that video on my youtube channel soon but right now I’m just figuring some stuff out.

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FB: LaTilya Rashon “tilyarealeyes”

I KNOW a lot of people, but the reality is I call very few my friends because as the seasons change and we grow individually, we realize that everyone does not nourish your soul in the same way.  We as people make mistakes in general and when we are working through those things, the last thing we want to feel is any type of memory that could reset your feelings towards those things.  This may seem like a ramble…but it’s not!  I’m just clearing the space in my head for the endured journey I am taking.

I wrote a while back about 3 Things I’m Completely Obsessing Over and Thing 3 was finding the BALANCE in my LIFE!  I am still very much my hardest critic.  As I examine my life, it is a canvas for others because I have a story to tell about how even when I block certain things out and jump over hurdles, I have NEVER just given up!  I am a walking billboard for beating statistics…I can’t wait to get that story told.

In the months to come I am going to unveil my life in a series of lessons I’ve learned.  It’s for my healing and for my growth.  I did not get this far because I wasn’t focused.  I got this far because I was driven…  I would be remiss to not mention that two awesome friends Yolanda and Ashley have spoke into my life a shift in careers so I am embracing their genuine sincerity.

There’s plenty of work to do and in by doing the work on myself I hope my transparency continues to transcend.  Some of the things to be tackled are:

  1. Growing up as a only child.
  2. My feelings towards my biological father.
  3. My first attempt at college…The University of Florida (2000-2001)
  4. My failed marriages (2003-2011) and (2014-2017)
  5. Transitioning careers (USAF, Child Support, Teaching, Writing, ____________)
  6. Expunged record of arrest from 2009…
  7. Financial Ruin and the Recovery Process.
  8. Trust and Intuition.
  9. Remaining positive during the storm.

I’m not empty, I’m just cautious.  We can still pour into others without completely tapping out.  I know and recognize my limitations as I work towards and prepare myself for the LIFE and LOVE I want. As I COACH myself, I hope you take away little nuggets along the way.

Isn’t ironic how on August 26, 2016 my thought process was I Don’t Want to Coach, I Just Want to Write but that was more so in the aspect of being a writing coach.  But I’m exploring a different avenue…Life and Success Coaching because my purpose is bigger than I innately realized in the beginning. For faith is substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Research continues… Continue to follow my journey… Leave a nice comment or note and please share!

I am not perfect but I will use my voice to do what I do best…Teach Others How to Cope!

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Don’t Be Polarized By Criticism

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“Well behaved women seldom make history.”

I will definitely be the first to admit that when it comes to writing I am extremely protective of my words and the last thing I want to have happen is someone dislike my point of view.  But guess what…it happens and it is what it is.

However, as I continue to move forward with writing and exposure I understand that I must keep writing to getting better as I work on other projects (specifically books) that I hope to engage a greater following.

Diving into what’s socially acceptable or not is a slippery slope and being too careful can make you boring.  But the realistic goal at the end of the day is to create a spark around your name.  I have heard the questions about why I write about the things I post and how my content shifts from branding to personal, but in reality this is my style.  I am working on staging my work to show my progress as a writer/blogger and self-published author because I am my brand.  I want to do things myself (have complete creative control), so as I take my time to get some things done behind the scenes, please understand that this is indeed a massive process.

Some of the blogging experts suggest pushing for tasty content…

What are you trying to teach someone?  What expertise do you bring to the issue and trending topic?  How will your insight transform the minds of those that follow your action steps and why they should listen to you?  I learned the need to be tasty while tuned into a live session one night with one of the notables.  On the other hand there is another expert that simply says all authors should have a blog because it sharpens your skills.  I have negated my ideas of me being my brand…and just when I was supposed to have a photo shoot to do some promo shots for my website and do what I thought was best for my website and image those plans fell through… It Simply Was Not Time!

Socially Acceptable Behavior

I’m glad I’ve taken the time to regroup and reconsider what I need to do for me.  My social media platforms garner attention in several ways and the whispers have spread into full out conversations about my uncensorship in some areas and my overly outright spoken feelings in other areas.  Just yesterday a colleague laughed with me about my snapchat (@tilyarealeyes) diaries.  I use it to vent, to laugh, and to BS my way through the day sometimes.  It’s all in fun.  And as us creatives, business-minded, entrepreneurs work out our niches it is easy to be “polarized by the criticism of others”.  We see it day after day from everyday people like me that create with care on up to celebrities that post a simple picture because they are living their life that keeps us all highly entertained.

I am sure that as I continue to share my voice, my thoughts, my concerns, and my journey there will be someone standing on the sideline with a sign that reads…”Not a fan!”  But I can’t be concerned with the negative questions and thoughts of others because they are not in my shoes running this race.   It would be too easy to just scroll pass what someone dislikes because they feel that their opinion is needed and justified.

I have played around on my platforms and while it’s a process to build my presence online it’s not the people that I don’t know with the questions and fake concern, it’s the ones close by that I know personally that have the most to say about what I’m writing.  I write about my real life and real experiences.  So hearing that I’m “heavy” on social media made me chuckle a little and damn near put me on the defense.  Who are these people to question what I’m doing?  And just to be clear I am too busy building my name to worry about what others don’t understand about what I’m doing.  I have sparked a conversation so evidently I’m doing something RIGHT!

I completely separate my personal life and my blogging life.  What I write about may be influenced by my day to day but my LaTilya Rashon blog, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter will depict what I want to have.  This hat as a writer and continuously improving author is completely different than my everyday job as a teacher.  I can teach people about life (love, relationships, parenting, coping, and simply LIVING) on my blog and how to cope with shit on a regular basis.

The struggle is real when no one understands your vision and what plans you have for your career.   My being socially acceptable on my platforms is for me to decide without the negative criticism of others.  I said a long time ago that people find favor in you when they like what you have to say and represent.  But I’ve also learned the lesson that my friends are not my target audience so I’m never surprised by the local feedback or lack thereof.

I am constantly thinking of ways to be impactful with my writing and the out pour I receive from inbox messages, reshares of my blog post, and new followers edges me along. I appreciate all of the support and encouragement I receive!

I welcome all feedback because I have made up in my mind that nothing will deter me and I will not stop because others think that I should.

If you would like to keep up with me on Facebook please follow me here atimg_4830 LaTilya Rashon “TilyaRealEyes” 

Connect with me!

My First Year In High School

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I have not neglected my teacher hat by focusing on self-care and writing more consistently in other areas of interest, so today I will chat about my transition to high school.  I’m undecided about writing a book about this experience.  Maybe after a couple a years I may do a follow-up to my debut book.

Based on my experience in high school and having the deep rooted thought that I would be a high school teacher, it took me nine years in middle school before I leveled up to high school.  I must admit that I LOVE IT!  Even as I’m asked how do I feel about being at my school I tell people that’s not a fair question because I have been in my particular zone for 10 years, so these are MY KIDS!

I admit it’s a different world teaching in my area because I live 30 minutes south of my zone and it’s like night and day.  But I often say that if I was anywhere else I would be bored out of my mind because my kids are very entertaining.  Now much like with my  first book, My Fourth Year in Middle School: The Truth About Teaching, there have been some bumps in the road, but these minor detours have been more manageable than they were when I initially began teaching in 2008.  I think it’s safe to say that I have reached VETERAN status…LOL!

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I didn’t know what I was embarking on when I decided to step up but I see from the whispers, uncertainty, questionable approaches, relationships, and sticking true to who I am and I how I teach…I’m Good!

Now in 2008 when I took the steps to get certified to teach through the old Georgia Teacher Alternative Preparation Program (GaTapp) I thought I wanted to start off at high school, but I’m so glad that I took my time getting here.

For starters, in my sixth year of teaching, the current seniors in my building were my 8th grade babies the 2013-2014 school term.  The current juniors in my building were my 8th grade babies the 2014-2015 school term and we packed up and shut down the old middle school at the end of that year.  Recombining middle schools the 2015-2016 school term, I taught some of the 8th graders through my reading connections class, then the 2016-2017 academic year I taught half of the 8th graders after abruptly being moved from the reading connections class into the English/Language Arts classroom.  But that is another story for another day.  It turned out to be a good move even though the way I was moved was not handled the best way in my opinion.

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I knew that when I graduated from Nova Southeastern University with my Doctor of Education degree in 2016, it was only going to be a matter of time before it was time to move on.  I thought that my interview went fairly easy, but to move up with my kids was a big blessing for me.  I was ready for the challenge and to be a familiar face for my students that gave me a greater feeling.  To be honest to see the students that have made it to their senior year warms my heart because so many students get lost along the way.

My classroom management has not been an issue since my first year of teaching so that was the least of my concerns.  But building relationships and reestablishing relationships with my previous students has been so much fun.  The junior class of students have a very special place in my heart. So stepping back into their lives daily even though they are not in my actual class, seeing them, and having them visit my class as often as they can has been the warm welcome that I needed for high school.  It’s also safe to say that building relationships has not been an issue for me in the least bit.

This is year 10 and there is still a lot for me to learn.  I enjoy being an English teacher, and adjusting to the curriculum was more of a matter of the content versus the standards.  The great thing about my content is that the standards are the same, but I admit I have enjoyed the stories we read in class and the dialogue that was created.  “The Gift of the Magi” and “Everyday Use” have been my absolute favorites.  Aside from teaching though the only thing that blows my mind is where colleagues place their value when it comes to teaching the kids.

There is no denying the fact that I have favorite students, but what teacher after years of building relationships don’t?  There are children that seek genuine support while in school and that very often misunderstood connection students establish with certain teachers is shamed.  Everything is not always fair and as a teacher my only conversation majority of the time is what can I do to better myself?

Now I had a mentor teacher when my journey began and she was absolutely the best and very supportive.  I have been lucky enough to work across the hall from a “football mom” and friend that I’ve known for years and she has been my rock.  We truly have a safe place in her room as we “debrief” from the daily shenanigans and goings-on in the building.

The take away I have for this year is that I must continue to always take care of me first.  Students are still going to twist the events of the day.  Some adults around me will question, “Why I’m still the favorite?”, “Why do kids like to come to my room?”, and a multitude of other things but that will not deter my purpose for my classroom and why I love doing what I do.

I’m still trying to figure out my next move beyond the high school classroom and ultimately would love to be a Dean of Student Affairs because my strength lies in being among people.  I don’t ever want to lose touch with what is going on in the classroom and trending in education period.  It only takes one child to show you that you are doing something right.  But when I look around at all of  my students at my high school I have reached a lot and I’m glad to have had partial impact on their educational journey.

This is only year one with a few in me left to go.  High school has been a hoot with 12 days left until graduation.

Check On Your Strong Friend

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In a world of cliches’ it is very easy to get caught up in what’s trending?  Conversations about loyalty. Ideas about authenticity. And the thought that everyone around you is fighting a battle so practice being kind.  However being kind and turning a blind eye often gets you looked over, underappreciated, and becomes overwhelming to a fault.

Even when you practice the pause, you still have to show up for yourself and let others know just who the hell you really truly are.  I wrote this quick note to all of the strong people I know.  I’m checking for you!

A lot of the STRONG PEOPLE are:

  1. Dealing with life one day at a time because they have finally realized that trying to do too much at once is tiresome.
  2. Thinking of ways to better themselves so that they can continue to bless others even when their effort goes unnoticed.
  3. Face each day with greater expectations of being blessed by the small things because the little details are what matter the most.
  4. Suffer in silence because they would rather mask their disappointments than share with other people that really are glad to see them in turmoil.
  5. Deeply bothered by the lack of compassion and instead of lashing out; they cry tears that are washed away then face the world without a trace of sadness.
  6. Really just want to be asked if they are okay and if they say “No”; have someone who will listen to them without judging and say, “Good, I’m glad you got that off of your chest.”

Take Care Of Your Tribe!

3 Things I’m Completely Obsessing Over

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In the second quarter of 2018, I find that I am more centered and focused on my holistic existence.  In a round about conversation with my mom this morning on my way to work I laid these words upon her ears, “If it does not feed my soul, I’m not interested.”

My mom is more than just the person I lean on most of the time, but she is truly my closest and most relied upon friend in my life.  Every time I talk to her I get life just by her listening to me and pouring her love and encouragement into me. And after last week I am completely obsessed with a couple of things in my life as I work towards accomplishing these new goals and tasks.

So here’s a little of the back story before I focus on those three things.  A teacher friend of mine down in Coastal Georgia purchased both of my books last week and left me with glowing reviews on her social media.  I am forever grateful because it’s not that I didn’t think that I had the power to be influential, I just had to let my presence be felt through my blog.  Being told, “Baby you gave me my fire and spark back!”, was right on time.

I was totally surprised when I checked my instagram (@tilyarealeyes) and realized that I had been tagged in a couple of post.  My work being acknowledged by one of my peers and someone I’ve know for a long time has me pumped about other things that I want to venture out and do.  So with that being said, now that it’s May here are the 3 things that I’m completely obsessing over in no particular order…

Thing 1:  I have been toying with the idea of a fictional book and while the story line is clear in my head, I don’t want to rush it.  I hear the characters speaking to me all of the time and I know that they cannot wait to continue telling their story.  Just understand that Lauren, Black, Kira, and Zamir are a trip!  However, the only reason this is a pressing matter for me is because I overthink every single thing I plan out for myself and really truly just want every thing to be perfect.  Then I have to remind myself that the first draft does not have to be perfect, it just has to get done.  There are some other pieces I’m working on simultaneously, but getting this fictional story out first is my priority.  I’m sure that through discipline and time management I can get this story out mid summer… WOOSAH!  No pressure, but I will get it done.

Thing 2:  I have been pinning my life away on pinterest as I sort through my feelings about life, love, friendship, and business.  It’s no secret that I like to have a cocktail or two and the liquor, beer, and partying industry is only flourishing.  I want to learn how to be a bartender.  For one, I think that it would be fun to learn how to do and secondly, I want to make extra cash on the side just to be honest.  I have a vision about bar-tending in my mind, that just like with anything else I set out to do… I WANT TO BE GOOD AT IT!  I’m also learning to that a lot of people are doing the same thing I’m doing— 1)perusing pinterest for ideas then 2) adding their own little twist to concoctions that basically have the same ingredients.  What can I say—bar-tending, story telling, and then blogging about would add the spice I want to add to my blog.

Thing 3: I am completely obsessed with maintaining balance in my life.  Ever since I decided to block out the noise and take inventory of myself, I’m much more at peace.  Placing my energy and focus into self-caring my way through this year has me centered and not focusing on the many things that can occur in a day that are out of my control.  I have taken charge of my life and plan to be my own hero when  need be.  I have to pour into myself more, encourage myself more, because as the strong person I am—I have neglected my peace of mind at times.  If I want consistency in all areas of my life, then I have to be consistent with myself.  Having balance in my life protects me from situations that are detrimental to my growth…I have to safeguard my heart, my intentions, and my conversations because my path in life thus far has been very enlightening and I just want to restore my well-being and be the best me that I know how to be.  I’m learning to dig deeper, listen to my intuition and trust my process.  I have never had an issue with self-love, but right now due to what I need in my life, what I’m allowing around me looks different.

As I continue to listen to my intuition more, I recognize what is real in my life.  I ran from one of my strongest attributes for a while.  I’m taking back my power each and every day and choosing me.  I’m glad that the lessons in my life have helped me to arrive here at a place of gratefulness.  I may be obsessing about things, but I’m focused and driven towards my personal victories and success.

I Will Sit, Wait, and Be Silent

I have been on an unapologetic tour and living my life my way because I never want to feel boxed in by anyone’s expectations or opinions of me.  I am taking moments on the regular to embrace my current status and put myself first in all of my thought processes.  I have had to learn how to be my own hero and not depend on anyone who was truly not going to be here for me.  My renewed sense of self rears its pretty head as I wake up each day fully rested from the night before because I am in control of my existence.

I have a very strong prayer life and rarely do I share my closest thoughts with anyone because not everyone will be empathetic to your personal pains.  I myself am an empath…the people in my life that I care an extreme amount about capture a part of my being that renders me incapable of ignoring their shifts and storms.  I am a good listener and however abrasive I am at times, my friends know that I wouldn’t tell them what they want to hear just to appease their feelings.

See, at the onset of 2018 I had a lot of questions swimming in my head that made me adjust how I deal with confusion and then deal with the person causing the confusion.  My brother says I’m a logical person that analyzes everything and that the way my brain works it makes abnormal.  I accept that because I say it clearly whenever I am asked, “What is it about me?”  I just simply say that I am DIFFERENT!

When I take a moment to pause everything that I need to see becomes visible.  Everything that I need to hear is being said.  And everything that I need to let go of is released because under all of this confidence is a woman that has felt unimaginable hurt that I have buried deeply inside of me because I’m not defined by those things.  Not to sound like a cliche but yes everything happens for a reason.  Discernment is a blessing when you recognize it as your gift.

I know things will come about in my life that will alter my views and challenge my thoughts and ultimately continue to push me forward.  So as I live for the moment completely unaware of what is to come next, I will sit, wait, and listen.

Sitting Pretty: Sitting does not mean I will become a hermit and not enjoy all that life has to offer.  It means that I will sit still and not move too fast on anything too soon.  Like for instance, I went on a couple dates with this one guy and though he was nice—our ideas and thoughts were not in line with each other.  I knew that I was not in the same mindset and the conversation of building with someone (a year post divorce) was not the life I’m envisioning for myself at the moment.  I want to take some time to get know me, explore my creativity, push myself to the limit, and see how far my goals and aspirations will take me.  Yes, I know I’ve done a lot already but I want more for myself.  I’m in a season of selfishness and I cannot afford to be distracted by things that do not feed my drive.   As I am sitting, I am watching and taking a lot in on a daily basis.  When it is time to purge, I will be at a place in my life where all the pieces make sense and I will have elevated my existence… mind, body, and spirit.  Until then I will sit!

Waiting Patiently:  I am not waiting for a night in shining amour.  I am waiting for my mind to slow down and not feel like everything has to happen immediately. No Rush! This second quarter of this new year is showing me a lot because as I slow down and take inventory of myself, I am becoming more appreciative of my time.  I was asked by my students where all did I attend college and after I rambled off my 16 years of enrollments and degrees conferred, I smiled on the inside.  I have worked tirelessly towards my credentials, my career, being a great mom, and maintaining relationships (significant others, friends, and family) that I’m burned out.  I’m burned out from the nonreciprocal effort as I reclaim my peace of mind and focus on myself.  The only people that come before me are my children because they depend on me to take care of them.  I knew the day would come that I would slow down just a little bit to enjoy all that I have accomplished.  I will wait in the balance of this life that I live and strengthen my mind…

Being Silent: I woke up one day about two weeks ago and decided that I was not going to speak on certain things.  That didn’t mean that I was not going to talk, it just meant that my conversation had to be guarded a little bit more because oversharing begins to sound redundant.  Again in casual conversation with my brother I shared my thoughts on a bothersome situation and while he sympathetically listened, I realized sometimes that’s all I need.  Telling someone how you feel all of the time is not warranted and actually isolates you in those feeling from time to time.  I thought at some point in my life I had to be open with the ones I cared about as an expression of my loyalty to them so they’d know in turn that I would always be there for them.  Turns out…some people can’t handle your feelings and are confused about you at the same time.  In my silence, I didn’t shut down, I just pulled back and decided I would speak on what is presented to me and not what I thought I should say.  I received two phone calls as a result of my intention, my bestfriend and a dear friend.  The in-depth conversations that were had provided clarity and peace that was welcomed for both them and myself.  I have continued to be silent and prayerful for those two because the love and concern for them is real.

April has been a month of personal reflection and this has been what I’ve needed.  I shifted from the business branding and blogging to focus on what is real in my life right now.  I’m not conflicted nor am I lonely. I am surrounded by love and appreciation.  I sit, I wait, and I listen, taking time for me as I continue my journey into self-care.

Thanks for reading…

I’m In Your Chest

*Very Personal but Much Needed Post For Myself*

On the year mark of my divorce *March 27th* I took to my FB and exposed my heart.  It garnered almost a couple of hundred likes and I realized even more so that people like transparency and authenticity.  I was not seeking to bash anyone.  I was not making a comparison of my marriages, I was simply saying that this is where I am at in this stage of my life.

I brand myself as a writer daily.  I share my thoughts.  I rethink moments of my past and reflect on the good and the bad.  I recognize my strength that I am often reminded of by other people and I grow stronger.

But every now and then there is someone on the sideline pressed by my life and try to find reasons to dig into it which only makes me go deeper into who I am.  The questions begin to rise and I find myself here being an open book due to inquiry.

Questions:

“Who is she to you?”

“Why don’t she write about love anymore?”

“Do you still talk to her?”

“Are you involved with her?”

“Where did she come from?”

“Why is she in your life?”

“What makes you tick?”

“Why are you so inspired?”

“Who is she trying to be?”

“Who is she trying to fool?”

“Why does she think she’s so important?”

That list could go on for days but my only question back and I have to say thanks to Cardi B. for this one, but

WHY DOES MY LIFE UPSET YOUR WHOLE CHEST?

All I want to do is produce dope content, write books, and expand my reach.  My education and work experience will only take me so far within the realm of doing things the right way.  However, at times there is a need to be unorthodox and draw attention because I’m letting you know I’m real.

A while ago on my blog I talked about people trying to use your life against you.  Well yes there was this one time way back in 2009 I got arrested and spent one night in jail.  That mugshot is deplorable but after “Happy Hour” with my sorors to celebrate the end of my first year of teaching and then later on some live music, that was an EPIC night in my life.  My arrest is no secret, it’s a matter of public record which I went through the process of getting expunged.  It has not hurt my career or serve as a shameful moment.  It serves as a teachable moment because I have never lost my shit again in such a way that it would be detrimental to my career.

I have written about religion, relationships, love, teaching, and anything that moves me at the moment.  I’ve experimented with my blog to see what engages my audience and every time I am completely uncensored I get an out pour of support to “Keep Doing Me”.

I’m a topic of discussion often because people wonder how I do it.  I face it!  I face all of it!  That’s how I do it. There’s no secret to winning at life you just have to keep living.

So to answer the questions… I am who I am unapologetically.  I have connections with people that transcend superficial attachments because I’m unafraid to live out loud.  My living out loud may be different and difficult for people to understand and the love people give me is not to be understood by anyone but me.

So yes in this next quarter of 2018 I plan to be in your chest!  I’m allowed to switch up my style and approach whenever I choose.  I don’t have to write about love to know that I am loved and I don’t have to defend who I am.

My blog and your interest speaks for itself.

I am LaTilya Rashon continuing to Live, Reflect, Write, and Learn<3