Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings, Writer's Corner

*Two Years Ago*


Two years ago I decided that I was going to revamp my blog and try to be more serious about my writing.  After all, I had received approval on my Institution Review Board (IRB) application for my dissertation so I felt my time freeing up and I was ready to write more creatively.

I felt like all the years of preparing to graduate since enrolling into my doctoral program at Nova Southeastern University in 2011 was finally about to pay off in a major way.  Let’s be real, since graduating from Ware County High School in 2000 and a six year enlistment in the United States Air Force (2001-2007), I had literally been in college off and on for 16 years pursuing various degrees.

*Doctor of Education; Higher Education Leadership (2016)

*Educational Specialist; Curriculum, Instruction, Management, and Administration (2010)

*Master of Public Administration (2009)

*Bachelor of Arts, Liberal Studies (2007)

Plus two associates degrees, you would think that writing would be the last thing on my mind.  Hell you’d probably even think that I had accomplished a lot in my own right academically but for me that still is not enough.

So I revamped my blog!  I was kidding myself thinking that this would be an easy journey and my name would ring supreme.  I learned very quickly that in this industry building a name for yourself and brand takes times.

I had the obnoxious idea to try to do a blog a day during that summer.  I had lame ideas like Motivation Monday, Thoughtful Tuesday, Wisdom Wednesday, Thankful Thursday, and Short Story Saturday.  I soon found myself burnt out and really not producing quality content.  I thought my posts were decent.  Now looking back it was just a bunch of fluff because I honestly just did not know what to do or what I was doing. I was trying some stuff out to see if it would work.

I managed to churn out chapters 4 and 5 of my dissertation and pick back up on my book project that I had outlined in 2013.  I was feeling like I was ready to put that story out to the world and I did, My Fourth Year in Middle School: The Truth About Teaching.

Now how does a busy mom like me balance work, school, and writing a book all at the same time is beyond me, but I had an inner strength to get some things done so I did.  I admit it to myself I am a fast burner because everything I set a timeline to do when I began teaching in 2008 was easily exceeded.

Still on the hunt for more, I now ponder the idea of pitching my book to publishing houses because I feel like there is a really great lessons that were learned for myself along the way.  These lessons are sure to touch the hearts of aspiring educators because it’s a lot behind the scenes that you often do not hear people talk about.

So hear I am fully exposed and ready to do the work because after listening to all of the experts, I can’t be afraid to fail.  Everyone of the EXPERTS  have shared a story of an idea flopping so I get it.

I am guilty of thinking that I had to have a logo and a big following to relevant.  But I’m learning that if I continue to be me, put my best effort forward, and stay true to myself then everything will fall into place in due time.

Now that I think about it, this time last year my focus was light and love.  But I’ve had to regroup and think about branding and narrowing my niche.  Yes!  Dare I say it, I truly see why the experts are the position that they are in and I’m striving day to day.

So my third book project is in the works and the personal approach I am taking it is why it has yet to be finished.  Just the other day  I was admiring my 12 year old because he was anxiously trying to print an essay earlier this week that is due tomorrow.  He was so frustrated because there was no ink but the overachiever in him got the best of him and all I could think was that he got that from me.  While on the other hand my 14 year old has a painting from his art class on display at the mall and I am in awe of his artistic ability and how his mind works.

I have taken time to really value the work that I have put into my two books. I have also realized that what I thought I knew two years ago was only the beginning.  I am just now beginning to scratch the surface and walk in my purpose.

Being that I am doing everything on my own as a one woman show, it feels good when the people who genuinely support me tap into my words and tell me how the things I write make them feel.  That is the impact I ultimately want to have.

When I began teaching I looked at each class period and asked myself how did I plan on touching 22 sometimes 27 minds at one time.  Then I quickly learned that if I touched one, then I had did my job.

Now as a writer I ponder the same thought.  How do I plan to reach the masses?  I’m realizing that if I get one new comment, then that’s a new soul that I have touched so I’m growing.

I have come so far to realize that all of this takes time, planning, patience, and hard work.  I am sure when the time is right for my first book to catapult it will.  I am confident that my brand will grow as long as I stick to being authentic and transparent.

Two years ago I made up in my mind that it was time to take my writing to next level.  And since hindsight is 20/20, who would have ever thought that 30 years ago in the streets of the projects, I’d grow up to be this woman on a mission to create the life I want to live, boss up, and be very unapologetic for daring to dream.

Keep coming back for more.


Live...Laugh...Love *Loving the Life You Live*, Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings

How To Be The Best Version Of Yourself


I have to challenge myself to blog more consistently but most importantly put out content that is engaging and thought provoking.  There is nothing like working on being consistent and letting ideas build up in your mind before escaping to the keyboard.

There was something holding me back because I felt a spirit of doom around me for the greater part of 2017.  I was in a rut.  Now don’t get me wrong I still produced some content but the mindset around what I was writing was more fluff than substance. I needed to rethink my strategy, my purpose, and ultimately decided I needed to change my narrative.

How can I be productive if I’m not operating in my true capacity of creativity?  How can I be better at what I do and what I create if I’m not taking the time to inventory my surroundings and remove what is not benefiting me. Even when I began eliminating things and people out of life, I felt stuck.  I had to do something.

The first thing I decided to do was feed my soul.  It’s not about going to church and becoming super religious, I simply began to tell myself yes while telling others no.  As an individual you cannot give so much of yourself to others because then you will have nothing left inside.  I often think that I could be doing more with my time, but the reality is that I extend myself and when I’m feeling the stress of overextending myself, I feel my internal shelf begin to crack.  Feeding my soul has resulted in selectively turning down invitations for outings and not participating due to my level of discomfort.  Working through my disappointments and accepting that life is often interrupted. I began to rely more on my intuition to guide me.  I admit to myself when I am not okay.  I process my feelings around not being okay, and once I deal with my emotions I resurface and continue to live my life.

I have become more in touch with my own vibrations that I have taken things a step further to recognize who is for me and genuinely wants to be in my life without making excuses for their periodic absences (GHOSTING as it is now called).  I am guilty of wanting something so badly to point of distraction, but being caught up in the rapture of the unfamiliar sends you swinging.  I have had to listen to how my mind vibrates in conversations, how my body reacts to the day to day grind of living, and the calmness of my soul when I speak and immerse myself into my surroundings.

So my advice to you on becoming a better version of yourself means that you have to let go of the control and push through life organically.  It is hard to shake things off that make you tick both in a good and bad way, but the shake-up is necessary.  I needed a cleansing of my spirit so I jumped out of my comfort zone and it’s a battle each day.

Another step I took into changing my narrative has been listening to how I self-talk and encourage myself.  How you speak to yourself reminds you of who you are and pushes you to where you want to be.

I put it out into the atmosphere that I was letting go!  Letting go of the hurt and walking away from things that no longer feed my soul.  At some of my lowest points I have felt bogged down by embarrassment and bad choices.  The spirit of defeat was surrounding me.  Some of the bad things that I have endured in my life were not my choices, but I was on the back end of mistreatment.  So I made up in my mind that in order to flourish, I decided to not be a victim of my circumstances.  The reality is that everyone does not have the same heart as you, so you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else.  Sadly, everyone is going to hurt you and give you conflicting memories in your life, but the same people that hurt you play an intricate role in your development and identity.

Every since I have made the decision to inhale positivity and embrace the unknown, I find my spirit lighter.  I even did a ceremonial smudging of my home.  I had always heard that sage and meditation clears the atmosphere of impurities  so I began speaking that into the atmosphere which prompted a really great friend of mine to send me a ceremonial kit.  See even in the small things I am grateful because she did not have to do it, but like minded spirits communicate near and far.

In life you will not have all of the answers.  In life you will continue to make mistakes that alter your perceptions, but you will continue to live and grow through those choices.  There is no formula to being the best version of yourself other than to wake up each day and decide you are going to better than you were the day before.

You only have one life to live.  This is not an ode to YOLO (You Only Live Once) but present moment reality check.  The best version of you is right around the corner so surround yourself with ideas and people that feed your spirit, encourage your growth, and create the life you want to live.

There are risks involved in everything that you do so take care of your inner-self and watch how changing your thought process begin to flourish in the way that you live.  I am operating in the best version of myself and want to encourage others to do the same.

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Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings

A Major Shift is Coming

cropped-photo-1430165558479-de3cf8cf14782.jpegIt takes some trial and error to figure out your path and while I might not have it all figured out, my vision is becoming clearer.

Balancing my busy life and my docile moments has been eye-opening for 2017 which is why I have to come stronger, bigger, and better in 2018.  I was ambitious coming into this year and guess what happened… I got divorced and fell in love at the same time.

The divorce fueled a passion inside of me to love in spite of the harsh realities of people not being true to who they say they are.  Falling for someone new ignited my passion to live and just go with the experiences that were presented before me.  But now I must refocus my energy on my purpose and passion for writing and creating the life I want to live.

This is my year in review and as I prepare for 2018 I want all of my wonderful followers and supporters to be prepared for the upcoming changes to

Some of your favorite blogs will still be here but I have to tailor my writing to what I aspire to have.  I didn’t name my publishing PSB2 for nothing, so it is time for me to push myself to next level and push out some content that going to make your ears pop.


My focus going into my next year is simple:

  1. Blogging and Youtube:  The revamp of What No One Tells You About Blogging is about to be epic. I’m still going to tackle the Experts, Services, Social Media, and the fact that it is not easy…as I’m still chugging along on this journey.  I’m turning 36 in a few days and I have a timeline to reach by the age of 40 so boom you have it!  Bigger and Better in 2018!
  2. Books and More: I am proud of my two self-published titles My Fourth Year in Middle School: The Truth About Teaching and Brown Sugar Magic but I now realize that I have to just put myself out there, write the stories, and find my audience.  There is room for everybody and I going for my piece of the pie.  I’m diving into something new and I’m excited.  Exit planning starting now!
  3. Writing Services: Since graduating I have been doing somer freelance academic editing so I’m stepping out on faith to do more of this in the months and years to come.  This is all trial an error and I feel that since my Chair and Committee member have minimal feedback for me, let me help others reach their academic writing goals.  PSB2 Document Processing services to be provided include:
    • Formatting thesis/dissertation/paper/manuscript to University requirements
    • Typing thesis/dissertation/paper/manuscript (including format and edit);
    • Editing thesis/dissertation/paper/manuscript for grammar, punctuation, and spelling as requested;
    • Corrections to thesis/dissertation/paper/manuscript as needed

I’m spreading my wings and hoping to build a stronger network.  That is probably one of my weakest areas and while I have joined many boards and follow other #blkcreatives, I’ll continue to research until it all comes together.  My niche is embedded in education and writing and while I have tried to run from that, I know that my service is to help others in that area.

I’ve set some goals for 2018 and dammit I am going to smash them out.  Thank you for coming along for the ride and being patient with me as I work on the back end.  Greater is coming for LaTilya Rashon and be on the look out for Live, Reflect, Write, Learn: The Journey to Here.



LaTilya Rashon


Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings

Relationships and Influence

I have had to take back my life more times than I can count.  I have learned that by totally immersing myself into other people, ideas, and a life that is not my own becomes confusing and outright tiresome.  So when you “reclaim your time” and “reclaim your life” by setting boundaries on what is acceptable for you and your holistic existence you are much better off.

We all have situations in life that reshape our perspectives and some of the deepest emotions we feel are placed on a shelf because being vulnerable never suits us at the right time.  When you feel your internal shelf begin to crumble and something inside of you is breaking, that is time to regroup.

When I came across the idea that we are the products of our experiences, that thought resonated with me because people hold your trials against you.  It is unfortunate that when some (people in general) experience bliss it brings pain to others but we learn day by day that that is all a part of life’s cycle.

Relationships come in many forms and we learn through the seasons of love, dislike, contentment and disappointment how we should care for others during those times.  Resentment is not a mainstay and in these great words you have relax, relate, and release.  When our lives seem to be unraveling before our eyes and we are trying to plant a sturdy foot one in front of the other we find ourselves stumbling.  We stumble in love because the very thing that breaks our hearts also keeps us holding on.  Love is a part of every relationship and the catalyst that forces change inside of you.  Changing what you will and can no longer accept.  When relationships begin to fall apart we settle for contentment because it is better than not having certain people in our lives.  For two years I was content with the separation from my first husband because I held on to the love and felt that the love would be restored. I had hope that we would put our family back together again.  My high hopes quickly turned to disappointment when he said he didn’t like the word marriage.

Disappointment interrupts your sleep patterns and make you obsess about things that are out of your control.  You overthink and put on your pretty face to make yourself believe that you are truly okay.  The rebuilding of yourself after a failed relationship changes your perspective.  Sadly while you grieve your loss people stand by in waiting judging you for how you cope with your feelings then have the audacity to hold your feelings against you.  In a conversation with my sister (we were married to brothers…LOL) I said to her people are not the authority on how you live your life.  Too many people think they can dictate how you receive them, but unless they know your full story they need to learn how to respect your boundaries and let you live.  They are not allowed to interject on your well-being especially when they don’t know what you have survived.

We are all reborn from something.  It’s like getting a fresh start.  We are reshaped and influenced by our decisions.  There is no crime in wanting better and wanting more.  Closed minded thoughts will not make way for creating the life you want to live.  Relationships of the past, the present, and those to come will guide our steps in life as we become centered in our individuality.

We are not self-made.  We are the reflections and results of relationships and influence.

~LaTilya Rashon

Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings


I was asked the other day when was I going to drop another book.  Standing surprised by the question I asked, “What book?”  My colleague looked at me and said, “The one you keep dropping snippets of on your blog.”



Hearing these words of affirmation for my writing gave me an ounce of energy I needed because this school term, my son’s football schedule, and tending to all of the other things I have to do is a bit cumbersome but I make it work.  I’ve been told I make what I do look easy, and I resent that statement sometimes and want to throw in the towel but I am reminded that I have two little boys (even though they are not so little anymore) that are depending on

Today’s journey is about living~reflecting~writing~learning~

LIVE|Sometimes you have to live a life uninterrupted by fear.  It is something about that damn comfort zone that will make you second guess everything you contemplate doing.  But risks are worth taking because there is truly a reward for everything you set out to do.  In all sincerity you learn what you want more in life by taking risks and you walk away from risky situations that could cause more harm than good.  You simply cannot be afraid to live because of fear of failure.  We are all going to fail at something at some point in our lives, so the lesson there is to not make the same mistake again that will result in failure.  We fail at school (academic probation was my dismissal from the University of Florida…LOL), we fail at career moves (the wanderers), we fail at relationships (friendships, family, courting, and even marriage), and we fail sometimes at realizing our greatness.  However, we can’t let the mistakes of our past or even the unsteadiness of our future keep us from moving forward in our sometimes awkward realities.  It has been said that fear means two things, face everything and run or face everything and rise.  I CHOOSE TO RISE!

REFLECT|A lot of times I think about my right steps.  Other times I reconsider my wrong moves and see where things went to the left.  We cannot predict the future.  We have no idea from day to day what to expect or the results of each forthcoming day.  It is not a bad idea to reflect on self and how you have handled situations in your life because there is always a better way to handle things in hindsight.  Your growth is contingent upon what you can withstand, endure, and at all cost opportunities to better yourself.  There are truly going to be many “not so” proud moments in your life but were those moments fueled by malice intent?  We will all be good in the end especially if our hearts are good and our intentions are pure.  Reflect on your true self and if you like what you see, keep being you because somebody is going to feel it.

WRITE|I celebrate my glows and woes of life to create a trail of things I did to the best of my ability and my opportunities to grow.  I literally write down everything.  I have journals that chronicle my high school years, one for each year.  I have multiple notebooks that have chronicled my life from marriage to childbirth, career moves, and book outlines.  You have a story to tell.  We all have a story to tell.  Writing becomes an outlet as you see your words take form and manifest into your life.  Setting goals, making a list, and checking it twice becomes empowering when you see the things you have ventured out to do come to fruition.  Writing is therapeutic and it is a process.  My writing takes on many forms and inspires many people (they inbox me and tell me so).  Celebrate the good and the bad because no experience is ever a waste.  Write until your heart is content and you get your story out, even if you don’t share it.

LEARN|Life will grab you by the neck and make you immovable.  Everyday will not be a cake walk and we will face many obstacles but we must learn how to navigate through them.  Navigate life in such a way that we respect our setbacks but embrace our triumphs.  Through trial and error I discover things about me that have been hidden in my heart that makes me susceptible to the truth.  We all have to be willing to learn more about ourselves in order to reach our fullest potential.  You have to work hard for what you want and learn how to turn every no into a search for a yes that creates an opportunity for you to dig deeper into who you are.  Life is about learning and truly for the living…so are you alive or among the walking dead?

~Live~Reflect~Write~Learn~ is more than a logo or mantra.  It is how you survive.  It is how you thrive.  Those four words govern your existence.  You have the right to live the life you want to live.  Reflect on the divine individual that you are ever evolving into. Write down your goals because the plan for your life is predestined, nothing is going to happen that is not supposed to happen.  Learn more about who you are because being you is your super power.

We will take many paths and detours in life but we should not be deterred by what does not happen.  So if a book derives from all of this, so be it.  Right now I’m just living, reflecting, writing, and learning.

~LaTilya Rashon


Live...Laugh...Love *Loving the Life You Live*, Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings

Be You, Do You, For You

As an individual, you ponder your thoughts so often that your second guess becomes your mainstay when you should probably trust your gut instincts.  I by far am not perfect but I do have a high moral code and I just believe that people should do what they say they are going to do without hesitation.  I also believe that sometimes our reactions to situations set a precedent that some people can handle and on the other hand some shy away from.

I am a WHOLE me all by myself and there is nothing no one outside my immediate circle of friends that can make me think otherwise.  So with that thought in mind BE YOU!

We all have some clandestine relationships with people that will rock some emotions, but truth be told EVERYBODY don’t deserve to see ALL of you.  It’s a cliche but we all tend to keep our circles small and those that we are most vulnerable with GET IT!  They understand when you are being your true self venting about your frustrations, heart-broken about love, redefining your life, and ultimately growing past your mistakes.  In being you, you hold yourself to a high standard, especially if you have HIGH ESTEEM of yourself, better than anyone else does.  You, me, or anyone else for that matter are not responsible for how people perceive you to be.   Being authentically you is your super power and in this competitive world YOU have to be YOU and ON at ALL times.  Even when you fall off, never let them see you sweat.

I sit and wonder about the direction my life and career is going because there’s always room for improvement.  However, don’t let just anybody speak over your life.  DO YOU the best way you know how and watch the pieces come together.

Based on someone’s introduction of you through what they have heard or what they have seen, some folks like you immediately and others bane your existence.

Well tough shit!

You can’t go through life living and pleasing others to the point of saying no to yourself.  I don’t agree with it.  I don’t believe in sugar coating a damn thing.  So in doing me, I get things out in the open, off my chest, and then keep moving.  You can’t go through life sparing others because one thing I have learned in my time on earth; Ain’t nobody going to spare my feelings.  After I have sat and cried, festered, obsessed, and been angry about some things, I have also realized my resiliency speaks before I ever do. Everyone is not going to be sorry for how they treat you and the best way to combat that is to always stand up and DO YOU!

Your happiness.  Your triumphs.  Your courage.  Those three things are your motivation.  You have to do for yourself before you can ever do for others. In all actions let them be FOR YOU and a truly reflection of you.

If anyone claims to be perfect they are a lie and ain’t no veracity in them.  I have had to forgive myself for my petty thoughts, outbursts, and reactions to the bullshit.  To be totally honest I have had to accept apologies I was never going to get.  Sadly, but some people don’t have problems with the things they do wrong to you, they only have a problem if you notice and call them on that shit.  Tonight I am raw in this blog because I’ve been listening to people be tired of the same types of things that get on my nerves and they need an outlet.  I’ll be that buffer…that go between…that voice.  Sometimes we need to know that when we choose to do things for ourselves it’s not out of selfishness, but pure conservation of our energy.  I can’t be who anyone wants me to be, I can only be me for me and if that offends anyone, then PARDON MY BACK!  After being mistreated, overlooked, and at times rejected you have to just do what you want with not regard to others FOR YOU.  That does not mean be careless for the rest of your life, that means set boundaries and never let another person take you out of your element.

We all need a reminder every now and then of just who we truly are.  Some of us are more than just a pretty face.  We have scars, we have pasts, we have baggage.  We also have strength, we have courage, and we have wisdom.

Let go of what was.  Embrace what is yet to come.  Be You, Do You, For You and forget whoever ain’t with it.





Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings

Sometimes in September


nineThe month of September symbolizes so many different things for me that it is hard to put it all to rest in my heart because for years there has always been a battle that I had to face either with someone or alone.

September is the fall back month when I sit back and reflect about some of the shit I’ve been through then have to remind myself to push forward.  This will be an emotional read because Sometimes in September I am reminded of being choked and told “Bitch I’ll kill you…” at the same time.  That’s just something you never quite get over.  You try to block it out but the very thought of a man revving his hand back at you like he’s about to hit sends your blood boiling.

Even as the years pass on, by this particular time of year I’m so busy that I don’t have time to wallow in self pity.  I have to push forward and try to forget all of the things that have happened over the years of Septembers tried to wreck my inner peace.

So sometimes leading into fall the internal conflict I feel rears its ugly head and I have to find the strength to press forward even when I don’t want to.  I have to remember that my sons depend on me, and they have often said “Mommy you are strong you can handle anything.”

If these walls could talk, all of the Septembers throughout the years would tell you my secrets, my trials but more importantly tell you my triumphs.  My journey to here… being the woman I am is no easy feat.

Rightfully themed, Sometimes in September, a relatively short month, tests my character year after year as I enter a rebirth and rejuvenation of self deciding some shit just ain’t worth putting up with.

I’ve gone to court in September. I’ve had a divorce decreed in September.  I’ve found out I’ve been cheated on in the past, in the month of September. I have been lied to and told that you’re my soulmate in September and we can married tomorrow.  I’ve been left hanging in the balance in September.  And in all of my Septembers I’ve been reminded of my discipline, authenticity, and perseverance.  Because I simply cannot show my weakness.

I’ve been chastised for being an open book.  Told that I reveal too much.  I’ve been reminded of my truths in September and I remember every single person who said, “I’ll always be there.”

This ninth month of the year represents change.  A change in season.  A change attitude. In some cultures it the number representing “long-lasting”.  One of my close girlfriends said to me, “Look at how many Septembers you have survived.”

The number nine and September is my number of patience.  There is a reason for everything.  It has all been a test.  Divine completeness.  The fruits of the spirit. The number nine is powerful to me because I am always tested at this time.

I said it a few months ago and I’ll say again it, “Being a diamond in the rough, perfectly imperfect, and vulnerable is the true essence of your beauty.”  Just today as I felt things fall off of my internal shelf, I recognized that I’m not shattered but beautifully blemished and genuinely unique.

I find my truth in every situation I experience and overcome.  I am a bit of an enigma.  I face the realities of life and accept that my path was predetermined a long time ago.

Live, write, reflect, and learn.  I practice what I preach, too bad not enough people do the same.

Short and sweet… just like the month of September…





Live...Laugh...Love *Loving the Life You Live*, Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings

You Can’t Fake Passion

So when I wrote , Someday I’ll be Your Girl, I was in a turnstile trying to figure out exactly which way my love life was going.  In a world full of cliches’;  meeting soulmates, finding your true love and being open to new experiences are all trial and error.passion

Unfortunately for women we find ourselves in situations where we are totally enamoured by someone only for things to not always move at the same pace you see things in your mind and feel in your heart. It is confusing.  You think about all of the chemistry you have with someone, then wonder if they give someone the same feeling.  So here is what I say to that, “Tighten up baby girl!”

I have a male best friend and the things we talk about gives me more and more insight on how men think.  My friend told me that once a man tells a woman he loves her that is all she hears.  He is absolutely correct because those three words change how a woman deals with a man completely.

These three words in the spirit of Stevie Wonder are sweet and simple, short and kind, always kindles an aching heart to smile inside.  But baby they are frightening.  Not just for the person who says it, but also for the person who feels it.  My friend told me that in relationships, one person is going to love more, give more, and do more.  He was correct about that as well.

Even when you take action against the friend zone and be assertive and non-confrontational, you can never tell where that person of interest head is at.  You spend time doing things that make you laugh.  Meeting up at Applebee’s for 9 o’clock happy hour, sitting on the porch talking for hours about life, texting throughout the day to check on one another, being each other’s hypeman behind the scenes, and keeping each other in on the loop about what’s going on in each other’s life seem endearing.  NOT necessarily.  But it’s a start.

There are some voids we are always trying to fill.  So many of us have been hurt that moving beyond the proverbial friend zone is asinine in theory.  Why ruin a good thing a lot of us think?  But you never know how happy you could be with someone unless you try.  Sadly, we are all dealing with hearts that we didn’t break.  But continue to wait until you’re ready, you’ll never be ready.  Love is a risk.

Everybody is screaming loyalty but at what cost?  A woman who is focused on one guy has tunnel vision and will wait for a sign that he is as into her as she is into him.  Sadly that is a recipe for disaster.  Unfortunately, women put our all into something and when it is not fully reciprocated we lose our damn minds.  Men on the other hand don’t take a damn thing seriously until they feel they are about to lose someone.  It’s just TOO complicated at times.  

The STORY of my life. LOL!

Scenario 1: Friendly Conversation

A woman meets a guy in a relatively public and social place.  He finds her on social media, they become friends and there is a lot of heavy flirting.  He’s easy on the eyes, athletic, educated, but very guarded.  He calls the woman from time to time.  The very first time she went over his house place, nothing sexual happens.  He makes her some hot tea, they talk, he’s tired, they go to sleep and become platonic friends.

Now there are fireworks between these two… he sees her beauty and she sees his strengths. They talk, they continue to laugh, but nothing happens beyond that.  He even tells her that he entertains conversation with her because she has his attention.  But still nothing.  They never have serious conversation about their interactions.  They just keep it polite.  How are the kids?  How is work?  How are you?  But they get a kick out of the friendship so they keep it there.

It could easily be more.  But they don’t push it because yet again they BOTH have been EXTREMELY HURT.

Scenario 2:  A Complete Stranger

“Can I buy you a drink?”  Oh what a standstill conversation this was because the woman looks at the dude questioning his motives.  They step to the bar, he buys her a drink, they make small talk, exchange numbers, and the friendship unfolds.  They go on their first date and after the movie they stand in the movie theater lobby and talk for about an hour admiring each others’s style.  Coincidently, they arrive looking coordinated and laughed about it.  In fact one of the very first times they hook up after the date, the guy gives her a foot rub and she is blown away.  He cooks her favorite foods, buys her her favorite drink, work out together a couple of times at the gym, they laugh, they chill, in fact they are having a blast because he tells her he will always make time for her.  She meets his brothers and instantly finds friendship with one of them.  Then there is a change.  

It feels too much like a relationship, something he now realizes he’s not ready for.  It’s cool right?  No it’s not, but she doesn’t push him away.  She takes a step back and realizes that even in the fun they have she has feelings for him.  So here we go!  The heart is involved which makes it difficult to just ignore that pinch in your chest every time she is around him.  She is an open book and ready for love.  She is unafraid to love if it finds her.  However, he is a bottle of nerves because he’s not ready for a woman like her, a statement he repeatedly says.  But who is he trying to convince?  Him or her?  The electricity between them is electrifying!

The way he looks at her, admiring her physique gives them both chills.  He’s written her poetry, and she has done the same for him.  He asked her if she wants to hear the words or be shown the words?  It’s confusing because in their friend zone he has comfortability in knowing that he has found a friend in her.  A friend he said has been a pleasure meeting and would like to get know better in the future.  She’s at a we’ll see stage in her life because their have been promises and strong emotions between the both of them but one is more afraid than the other.  In their case, you can’t fake passion.  

Scenario 3:  History in the Making

It has been a progression because old cliches and sayings having people thinking that they have already met their soul mates.  But is it possible?  Out of the blue to get a message on social media asking you how are you doing?  Stunned and nervous because this person has the ability to shake up your whole world and create distractions.  You play the catch up game.  How is life?  How are the kids?  What do you do for a living?  Then you hear the words, I should have made you mine a long time ago, but I didn’t want to hurt you.  BE BLOWN AWAY! Be very BLOWN AWAY.  Of course you didn’t expect it, how could you?  

There has been years between constant contact with certain friends, and as we mature and look like we are handling our business certain interest begin to change.  The historical friend! The one who has watched you grow up admires your drive and actually tells you that you are who they prefer as their mate.  They tell you that you are the mold in which women should be made from and it’s more than words because they trust you enough to tell you things that they dare not tell anyone else.

This man has never lied to you.  He’s stable.  He thinks you’re amazing but this is all too complicated to wrap your head around.  You know exactly where he is coming from and nothing beyond genuine conversation has every taken place between the two of you. So you practice the pause.  You wait.  You become patient.  He reaffirms your patience.  A passionate friendship.  A trusting and abiding connection.  A strong vibe and bond that is unbreakable.

You can’t fake passion. Align yourself with someone that matches your effort not just compliment it.  


LaTilya Rashon

Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings

My Love-Hate Relationship with Fitness

imageAt my heaviest I weighed in at 190 pounds at five feet one inch.  I said to myself HELL NO this is not my life.  When I saw my clothes size balloon for me up to a size 12 and 14 I was secretly devastated but I was also upset about the things that had happened in my life.

Being a size six all throughout high school and even in my early 20’s was the best feeling ever so I knew something was up when after working out my size 6’s didn’t fit anymore. Surprise…You’re Pregnant!  I was elated about my first little bundle of joy.  I had a c-section so working out was not an option for at least eight weeks because for one I had sutures and had at least six weeks to wait for clearance from my doctor to do anything. Needless to say my mother-in-law at the time was extremely rude and insensitive about my weight gain and said to me when my baby—Lil Phil—was two months old, “You know what you can do to lose weight don’t you?”  I was emotionally unprepared for such a statement to come out of her mouth.  I immediately called my husband in tears while guzzling some Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream.  Postpartum hormones on 10!

I lost my weight by running four times a week at the time while in the Air Force.  Of course my second blessing was born while I was on active duty so the pressure to get back right was important to me.  Then next thing I knew in 2007 I was moving to my home state, in a new house, and relearning a familiar town but now as an adult.  I joined the gym but then that eventually got boring.

I fought with my then husband, we separated, I changed careers, I gained weight from lack of exercise, I lost weight due to overwhelming stress, I drank some, I slept a lot…I was unhappy and scared to start over.  Then one day I looked at my stomach full of stretch marks, my thick ass thighs, size 14 pants and decided that this was not healthy.  I hated feeling like I couldn’t cross my legs or feel completely comfortable in my clothes.  I was self-conscious but hid it with a smile.

Stress caused me to gain at one point because I was not active at all.  All I did was take care of my sons, go to work, and sleep.  I was trying to figure out my life and starting over.  I was 30 years old and my life was in an uproar.  I took charge!

So post divorce in 2011 I picked up a tennis racket and went to a private lesson with a group of friends.  It was fun and the tennis pro was fun.  I didn’t put the racket down and my true weight loss journey began.  I was determined to lose about 40 pounds because I felt entirely too heavy to be so short.  I have been playing tennis since the top of 2012 and I love it.  It keeps me active.  I was not good when I started and the way I play now is a major improvement.  So here I am five years later still playing, I have been on different teams under different captains, I have even been the captain…  My love affair with staying fit is a struggle especially when life gets in the way.

On top of playing tennis I was at the gym and at times spending up to three hours on some days working out.  Not the plan, but after leaving the gym I would get a text asking who could play tennis so I would jump at the opportunity especially in the summer time. I even jumped on the P90X extreme workouts and would tap out at about day 60.

I had a time or two that I took to the pavement again, playing around with the C25K running app.  I’d make it to week five and then get totally thrown off.  Life would interrupt my workout schedule and next thing I knew I was slowly gaining weight.

I saw my dress size begin to shift.  Those 14’s dropped to an eight and suddenly I felt too small.  Right now I am at a steady weight, some days I’m okay at 165, then it’ll drop to 160 and I’m okay with that.  I have a love-hate relationship with fitness.  I work out to relieve stress, take my mind off of things, and weight maintenance.  I still have a belly full of stretch marks and some days my stomach appears flat; other days I look at it and I’m reminded that life was carried there.

I am an active person.  I’m always going to show you something real.  This body takes work…cardio…elliptical…tennis…ministepper…running.  I don’t want to be pushing 200 pounds ever again.  I took control.  Besides I have to be around for Lil Phil and Pressy. They keep me young!

My journey to staying fit is ever evolving.  I’m not going to pay for a body.  I’ll just work on the body God gave me.

~LaTilya Rashon

Retrospective Life: Reflections, Lessons, and Blessings

Where Can Little Black Boys Play

So I have lived in my neighborhood since 2012 when I closed on my house and other than the 2013 Fourth of July shooting, it has been very quiet over here.  Needless to say the shooting that 4th of July was my Caucasian neighbor who “allegedly” was suffering from PTSD and had “allegedly” assaulted his wife while shooting at two police cars and an ambulance that caused the neighborhood to be on lock down for four hours while the SWAT team moved in.  Other than that my neighborhood is pretty uneventful and there aren’t people moving in and out.

My neighbor across the street from me is a youth pastor and used to host Sunday Funday at his house.  The kids would play football, basketball, and everything else for a few hours every Sunday of course crowding the streets but NO ONE ever complained.  So can somebody please tell me why in the hell on Friday did my other neighbor, who lives behind the youth pastor, come to me about the crowd of teenage black boys playing basketball in my front yard?09f2c5c1cd89847bf3a870d585393c8e-human-connection-white-photography

See on Friday, my former student who has become like a daughter to me celebrated her 21st birthday this weekend, so while out getting her make-up done and her photo shoot, a few of my son’s friends were outside playing basketball with MY two BOYS.  This has become the norm being that it’s summer time and the kids are out of school.  We had a big water fight outside a few weeks ago and it was all in fun.  So who has the problem and why?

As I’m getting out of my car with my Applebee’s leftovers I didn’t even notice the ghostly lady from across the street walking in my direction.  Just as I closed my car door I heard a voice say, “Excuse me but do you know they are all outside in the street playing basketball?’

Now as a mother I damn near lost my mind and went straight into protective mode, but I calmly said, “Yes, I would rather my sons and their friends play in front of my house where they are safe versus being somewhere else.”  I was trying to be respectful.  My mom raised me to respect my elders.  Then she said, “Well do you know that they are outside cursing?” I had to catch myself and not curse, so I said, “Ma’am have they been to your house bothering you or even in your yard bothering you?”

At this point I was trying to be diplomatic and again respectful even though I was at my OWN house standing in my garage.  Poor little lady must have felt privileged because she went on to say, “Well I had to drive across the neighbors grass just to get home because they wouldn’t move.”  In my mind I’m thinking, “they wouldn’t move”, but I looked over her shoulders and there were not tire marks.

“Ma’am again you are bothered by them, my boys, being in the streets playing ball where they are safe.  I’m bothered by you being in my garage smoking a cigarette and I don’t smoke.”  I refused to feel inferior and be told what my kids could not do.  A bunch a hormonal teenage boys at that…  This old lady looked at me and said, “Well the neighbors are complaining.”  I said,”Well let them.  I’m done with this conversation”, and walked in my house.

It’s sad in this climate and culture that we have to worry about how our children, especially our young black men and boys move about for fear of something happening to them. I want my children and their friends to feel like my house is safe and they are out of harms ways.  But I be damned if I going to be told that a yard full of black boys is a problem for my neighbors.  No one’s house has been broken into or vandalized.  They aren’t outside blasting their music, and as far as being boys—I cannot control what they say in a heated game of basketball.

It made me think.  Yes sure everyone was nosy and peeking outside when the neighbor shot up the police cars and there was yellow crime scene tape blocking off half of the cul-de-sac.  Everyone politely blew horns to get the youth ministry kids out of the street.  But then now you want to complain about where my black boys hangout and play…MY HOUSE.

If my boys can’t play and be safe in the comfort of their neighborhood and not in the streets, I ask, WHERE CAN LITTLE BLACK BOYS PLAY?