So when I wrote , Someday I’ll be Your Girl, I was in a turnstile trying to figure out exactly which way my love life was going. In a world full of cliches’; meeting soulmates, finding your true love and being open to new experiences are all trial and error.
Unfortunately for women we find ourselves in situations where we are totally enamoured by someone only for things to not always move at the same pace you see things in your mind and feel in your heart. It is confusing. You think about all of the chemistry you have with someone, then wonder if they give someone the same feeling. So here is what I say to that, “Tighten up baby girl!”
I have a male best friend and the things we talk about gives me more and more insight on how men think. My friend told me that once a man tells a woman he loves her that is all she hears. He is absolutely correct because those three words change how a woman deals with a man completely.
These three words in the spirit of Stevie Wonder are sweet and simple, short and kind, always kindles an aching heart to smile inside. But baby they are frightening. Not just for the person who says it, but also for the person who feels it. My friend told me that in relationships, one person is going to love more, give more, and do more. He was correct about that as well.
Even when you take action against the friend zone and be assertive and non-confrontational, you can never tell where that person of interest head is at. You spend time doing things that make you laugh. Meeting up at Applebee’s for 9 o’clock happy hour, sitting on the porch talking for hours about life, texting throughout the day to check on one another, being each other’s hypeman behind the scenes, and keeping each other in on the loop about what’s going on in each other’s life seem endearing. NOT necessarily. But it’s a start.
There are some voids we are always trying to fill. So many of us have been hurt that moving beyond the proverbial friend zone is asinine in theory. Why ruin a good thing a lot of us think? But you never know how happy you could be with someone unless you try. Sadly, we are all dealing with hearts that we didn’t break. But continue to wait until you’re ready, you’ll never be ready. Love is a risk.
Everybody is screaming loyalty but at what cost? A woman who is focused on one guy has tunnel vision and will wait for a sign that he is as into her as she is into him. Sadly that is a recipe for disaster. Unfortunately, women put our all into something and when it is not fully reciprocated we lose our damn minds. Men on the other hand don’t take a damn thing seriously until they feel they are about to lose someone. It’s just TOO complicated at times.
The STORY of my life. LOL!
Scenario 1: Friendly Conversation
A woman meets a guy in a relatively public and social place. He finds her on social media, they become friends and there is a lot of heavy flirting. He’s easy on the eyes, athletic, educated, but very guarded. He calls the woman from time to time. The very first time she went over his house place, nothing sexual happens. He makes her some hot tea, they talk, he’s tired, they go to sleep and become platonic friends.
Now there are fireworks between these two… he sees her beauty and she sees his strengths. They talk, they continue to laugh, but nothing happens beyond that. He even tells her that he entertains conversation with her because she has his attention. But still nothing. They never have serious conversation about their interactions. They just keep it polite. How are the kids? How is work? How are you? But they get a kick out of the friendship so they keep it there.
It could easily be more. But they don’t push it because yet again they BOTH have been EXTREMELY HURT.
Scenario 2: A Complete Stranger
“Can I buy you a drink?” Oh what a standstill conversation this was because the woman looks at the dude questioning his motives. They step to the bar, he buys her a drink, they make small talk, exchange numbers, and the friendship unfolds. They go on their first date and after the movie they stand in the movie theater lobby and talk for about an hour admiring each others’s style. Coincidently, they arrive looking coordinated and laughed about it. In fact one of the very first times they hook up after the date, the guy gives her a foot rub and she is blown away. He cooks her favorite foods, buys her her favorite drink, work out together a couple of times at the gym, they laugh, they chill, in fact they are having a blast because he tells her he will always make time for her. She meets his brothers and instantly finds friendship with one of them. Then there is a change.
It feels too much like a relationship, something he now realizes he’s not ready for. It’s cool right? No it’s not, but she doesn’t push him away. She takes a step back and realizes that even in the fun they have she has feelings for him. So here we go! The heart is involved which makes it difficult to just ignore that pinch in your chest every time she is around him. She is an open book and ready for love. She is unafraid to love if it finds her. However, he is a bottle of nerves because he’s not ready for a woman like her, a statement he repeatedly says. But who is he trying to convince? Him or her? The electricity between them is electrifying!
The way he looks at her, admiring her physique gives them both chills. He’s written her poetry, and she has done the same for him. He asked her if she wants to hear the words or be shown the words? It’s confusing because in their friend zone he has comfortability in knowing that he has found a friend in her. A friend he said has been a pleasure meeting and would like to get know better in the future. She’s at a we’ll see stage in her life because their have been promises and strong emotions between the both of them but one is more afraid than the other. In their case, you can’t fake passion.
Scenario 3: History in the Making
It has been a progression because old cliches and sayings having people thinking that they have already met their soul mates. But is it possible? Out of the blue to get a message on social media asking you how are you doing? Stunned and nervous because this person has the ability to shake up your whole world and create distractions. You play the catch up game. How is life? How are the kids? What do you do for a living? Then you hear the words, I should have made you mine a long time ago, but I didn’t want to hurt you. BE BLOWN AWAY! Be very BLOWN AWAY. Of course you didn’t expect it, how could you?
There has been years between constant contact with certain friends, and as we mature and look like we are handling our business certain interest begin to change. The historical friend! The one who has watched you grow up admires your drive and actually tells you that you are who they prefer as their mate. They tell you that you are the mold in which women should be made from and it’s more than words because they trust you enough to tell you things that they dare not tell anyone else.
This man has never lied to you. He’s stable. He thinks you’re amazing but this is all too complicated to wrap your head around. You know exactly where he is coming from and nothing beyond genuine conversation has every taken place between the two of you. So you practice the pause. You wait. You become patient. He reaffirms your patience. A passionate friendship. A trusting and abiding connection. A strong vibe and bond that is unbreakable.
You can’t fake passion. Align yourself with someone that matches your effort not just compliment it.