Be You, Do You, For You

As an individual, you ponder your thoughts so often that your second guess becomes your mainstay when you should probably trust your gut instincts.  I by far am not perfect but I do have a high moral code and I just believe that people should do what they say they are going to do without hesitation.  I also believe that sometimes our reactions to situations set a precedent that some people can handle and on the other hand some shy away from.

I am a WHOLE me all by myself and there is nothing no one outside my immediate circle of friends that can make me think otherwise.  So with that thought in mind BE YOU!

We all have some clandestine relationships with people that will rock some emotions, but truth be told EVERYBODY don’t deserve to see ALL of you.  It’s a cliche but we all tend to keep our circles small and those that we are most vulnerable with GET IT!  They understand when you are being your true self venting about your frustrations, heart-broken about love, redefining your life, and ultimately growing past your mistakes.  In being you, you hold yourself to a high standard, especially if you have HIGH ESTEEM of yourself, better than anyone else does.  You, me, or anyone else for that matter are not responsible for how people perceive you to be.   Being authentically you is your super power and in this competitive world YOU have to be YOU and ON at ALL times.  Even when you fall off, never let them see you sweat.

I sit and wonder about the direction my life and career is going because there’s always room for improvement.  However, don’t let just anybody speak over your life.  DO YOU the best way you know how and watch the pieces come together.

Based on someone’s introduction of you through what they have heard or what they have seen, some folks like you immediately and others bane your existence.

Well tough shit!

You can’t go through life living and pleasing others to the point of saying no to yourself.  I don’t agree with it.  I don’t believe in sugar coating a damn thing.  So in doing me, I get things out in the open, off my chest, and then keep moving.  You can’t go through life sparing others because one thing I have learned in my time on earth; Ain’t nobody going to spare my feelings.  After I have sat and cried, festered, obsessed, and been angry about some things, I have also realized my resiliency speaks before I ever do. Everyone is not going to be sorry for how they treat you and the best way to combat that is to always stand up and DO YOU!

Your happiness.  Your triumphs.  Your courage.  Those three things are your motivation.  You have to do for yourself before you can ever do for others. In all actions let them be FOR YOU and a truly reflection of you.

If anyone claims to be perfect they are a lie and ain’t no veracity in them.  I have had to forgive myself for my petty thoughts, outbursts, and reactions to the bullshit.  To be totally honest I have had to accept apologies I was never going to get.  Sadly, but some people don’t have problems with the things they do wrong to you, they only have a problem if you notice and call them on that shit.  Tonight I am raw in this blog because I’ve been listening to people be tired of the same types of things that get on my nerves and they need an outlet.  I’ll be that buffer…that go between…that voice.  Sometimes we need to know that when we choose to do things for ourselves it’s not out of selfishness, but pure conservation of our energy.  I can’t be who anyone wants me to be, I can only be me for me and if that offends anyone, then PARDON MY BACK!  After being mistreated, overlooked, and at times rejected you have to just do what you want with not regard to others FOR YOU.  That does not mean be careless for the rest of your life, that means set boundaries and never let another person take you out of your element.

We all need a reminder every now and then of just who we truly are.  Some of us are more than just a pretty face.  We have scars, we have pasts, we have baggage.  We also have strength, we have courage, and we have wisdom.

Let go of what was.  Embrace what is yet to come.  Be You, Do You, For You and forget whoever ain’t with it.

20170110_153240.png

 

 

 

Advertisements

Deference of Love

dictionary-love-18251xI had to take some time to gather my thoughts and really take inventory of what was going on around me.  I can admit that this time last year I was in a dark place asking myself daily, “Why me?”  I didn’t have the answers and I did not seek refuge in others I actually sat alone many nights and talked to my sister-in-love about the turmoil in my life.

How could the one I gave my love to break my heart so bad?  But I slowly put myself back together differently than I had before and realized that nothing was wrong with me.  It’s just that sometimes you can want to be with someone that you are not meant to be with.  I didn’t marry him thinking that we would get divorced.  I married him because I took a chance at love.

Even in the haze of that tumultuous relationship I never gave up on love.  A year later my outlook on love has changed a lot and the reality is that I CHOOSE to LOVE in spite of the cards I am dealt.  I laugh at my perception of love, the way I love and the conversations others have around me about love because I am often asked will I get married again.

NOPE, NOT RIGHT NOW.

That thought is not on my radar.

I think many of us are haunted by the thought of being happy that we often sabotage a beautiful beginning because it seems too good to be true.  I am sure most ladies in the world of reality television saw the episode of Braxton’s Family Values when Toni asked the question, “Have you ever been afraid to be happy?”

That question stuck with me because I’ve never been afraid to be happy but sometimes what is the point of being happy when you have no one to genuinely share your happiness with?  Yes I can be happy with myself, but sometimes, just sometimes you want to share your highs and lows with someone that “GET’S IT!”

It’s a rhetorical question.

I am not looking for an answer.  I’m just saying what the many strong-willed people in my life say on a regular basis.  But what is the point of love if it is such a hurting thing?

Love endures a lot or do people endure a lot of things in the name of love?

The irony!

  1. What if love was more genuine and no one ever got hurt?
  2. Would we know what love is supposed to feel like in the deference of it’s position in our hierarchy of needs?

Let me bow out of the questions.  Get back to the point!

You, we, individuals are never fools for choosing to love again and again.  In our constant effort for self-improvement and self-acceptance, we must be vulnerable with ourselves to experience all of life truisms.

In this sad state of affairs that we live in and constant need to one up the next person, we miss out on some fantastic opportunities in life to live and be genuinely happy.  It is also equally mind-blowing that some people settle for mediocrity and not fluidly live in love and passion that they speak so highly of.

There is a lot of love advice being tossed around lately and while it all is intriguing, I see the hustle for what it is.  I’m optimistic about love and what it is supposed to represent in our lives.  Unfortunately, the thought of loving without limits is lost.  Everyone is guarded whether intentionally or not.

Having your guard up is for your protection because someone who truly cares will breakdown your guard and build you up in the process.  Someone that cherishes you will not put you in harms way nor have you “out there in them streets” looking stupid.

I have a lot to say about love because it is the very essence of my being.  As I told my bestfriend last night,

“I don’t want to hear anyone say that there is no such thing as loving hard because there is.  I love hard and that is the only way to love.”

One last thought in my stream of consciousness.  To love hard is to give freely of yourself ensuring that the ones you love feel appreciated in every way.  Love is not a play on words, a business arrangement, or a wait and see kind of deal.  Love is sitting your ass down in the difficult times, being uncomfortable together until that feeling passes.

Some people don’t want real love, they want convenient playmates.

 

You Can’t Fake Passion

So when I wrote , Someday I’ll be Your Girl, I was in a turnstile trying to figure out exactly which way my love life was going.  In a world full of cliches’;  meeting soulmates, finding your true love and being open to new experiences are all trial and error.passion

Unfortunately for women we find ourselves in situations where we are totally enamoured by someone only for things to not always move at the same pace you see things in your mind and feel in your heart. It is confusing.  You think about all of the chemistry you have with someone, then wonder if they give someone the same feeling.  So here is what I say to that, “Tighten up baby girl!”

I have a male best friend and the things we talk about gives me more and more insight on how men think.  My friend told me that once a man tells a woman he loves her that is all she hears.  He is absolutely correct because those three words change how a woman deals with a man completely.

These three words in the spirit of Stevie Wonder are sweet and simple, short and kind, always kindles an aching heart to smile inside.  But baby they are frightening.  Not just for the person who says it, but also for the person who feels it.  My friend told me that in relationships, one person is going to love more, give more, and do more.  He was correct about that as well.

Even when you take action against the friend zone and be assertive and non-confrontational, you can never tell where that person of interest head is at.  You spend time doing things that make you laugh.  Meeting up at Applebee’s for 9 o’clock happy hour, sitting on the porch talking for hours about life, texting throughout the day to check on one another, being each other’s hypeman behind the scenes, and keeping each other in on the loop about what’s going on in each other’s life seem endearing.  NOT necessarily.  But it’s a start.

There are some voids we are always trying to fill.  So many of us have been hurt that moving beyond the proverbial friend zone is asinine in theory.  Why ruin a good thing a lot of us think?  But you never know how happy you could be with someone unless you try.  Sadly, we are all dealing with hearts that we didn’t break.  But continue to wait until you’re ready, you’ll never be ready.  Love is a risk.

Everybody is screaming loyalty but at what cost?  A woman who is focused on one guy has tunnel vision and will wait for a sign that he is as into her as she is into him.  Sadly that is a recipe for disaster.  Unfortunately, women put our all into something and when it is not fully reciprocated we lose our damn minds.  Men on the other hand don’t take a damn thing seriously until they feel they are about to lose someone.  It’s just TOO complicated at times.  

The STORY of my life. LOL!

Scenario 1: Friendly Conversation

A woman meets a guy in a relatively public and social place.  He finds her on social media, they become friends and there is a lot of heavy flirting.  He’s easy on the eyes, athletic, educated, but very guarded.  He calls the woman from time to time.  The very first time she went over his house place, nothing sexual happens.  He makes her some hot tea, they talk, he’s tired, they go to sleep and become platonic friends.

Now there are fireworks between these two… he sees her beauty and she sees his strengths. They talk, they continue to laugh, but nothing happens beyond that.  He even tells her that he entertains conversation with her because she has his attention.  But still nothing.  They never have serious conversation about their interactions.  They just keep it polite.  How are the kids?  How is work?  How are you?  But they get a kick out of the friendship so they keep it there.

It could easily be more.  But they don’t push it because yet again they BOTH have been EXTREMELY HURT.

Scenario 2:  A Complete Stranger

“Can I buy you a drink?”  Oh what a standstill conversation this was because the woman looks at the dude questioning his motives.  They step to the bar, he buys her a drink, they make small talk, exchange numbers, and the friendship unfolds.  They go on their first date and after the movie they stand in the movie theater lobby and talk for about an hour admiring each others’s style.  Coincidently, they arrive looking coordinated and laughed about it.  In fact one of the very first times they hook up after the date, the guy gives her a foot rub and she is blown away.  He cooks her favorite foods, buys her her favorite drink, work out together a couple of times at the gym, they laugh, they chill, in fact they are having a blast because he tells her he will always make time for her.  She meets his brothers and instantly finds friendship with one of them.  Then there is a change.  

It feels too much like a relationship, something he now realizes he’s not ready for.  It’s cool right?  No it’s not, but she doesn’t push him away.  She takes a step back and realizes that even in the fun they have she has feelings for him.  So here we go!  The heart is involved which makes it difficult to just ignore that pinch in your chest every time she is around him.  She is an open book and ready for love.  She is unafraid to love if it finds her.  However, he is a bottle of nerves because he’s not ready for a woman like her, a statement he repeatedly says.  But who is he trying to convince?  Him or her?  The electricity between them is electrifying!

The way he looks at her, admiring her physique gives them both chills.  He’s written her poetry, and she has done the same for him.  He asked her if she wants to hear the words or be shown the words?  It’s confusing because in their friend zone he has comfortability in knowing that he has found a friend in her.  A friend he said has been a pleasure meeting and would like to get know better in the future.  She’s at a we’ll see stage in her life because their have been promises and strong emotions between the both of them but one is more afraid than the other.  In their case, you can’t fake passion.  

Scenario 3:  History in the Making

It has been a progression because old cliches and sayings having people thinking that they have already met their soul mates.  But is it possible?  Out of the blue to get a message on social media asking you how are you doing?  Stunned and nervous because this person has the ability to shake up your whole world and create distractions.  You play the catch up game.  How is life?  How are the kids?  What do you do for a living?  Then you hear the words, I should have made you mine a long time ago, but I didn’t want to hurt you.  BE BLOWN AWAY! Be very BLOWN AWAY.  Of course you didn’t expect it, how could you?  

There has been years between constant contact with certain friends, and as we mature and look like we are handling our business certain interest begin to change.  The historical friend! The one who has watched you grow up admires your drive and actually tells you that you are who they prefer as their mate.  They tell you that you are the mold in which women should be made from and it’s more than words because they trust you enough to tell you things that they dare not tell anyone else.

This man has never lied to you.  He’s stable.  He thinks you’re amazing but this is all too complicated to wrap your head around.  You know exactly where he is coming from and nothing beyond genuine conversation has every taken place between the two of you. So you practice the pause.  You wait.  You become patient.  He reaffirms your patience.  A passionate friendship.  A trusting and abiding connection.  A strong vibe and bond that is unbreakable.

You can’t fake passion. Align yourself with someone that matches your effort not just compliment it.  

xoxo

LaTilya Rashon

You Have to Learn How to Love and Live

fornax_dwarf_galaxy_header_5-2
We speak things into the universe that we want often times giving more than we ever receive. ~LaTilya Rashon

Ironically three years ago to date I married my second now divorced husband and I’m not even sad about what would have been. What could have been. Nor where I am at now.  I have been dropping jewels along the way giving everyone insight to how I feel and where I am at, so just know that I’m good.

I heard a speaker a week ago that said, “I cannot walk into my future with my foot in my past” (Tommie Mabry).  It’s funny how the stars align and things I said seven months ago are being confirmed on a daily basis.  Especially the notion of not dwelling on the past.  I have learned some hard lessons over this past year and I am truly glad that I did not allow my obstacles to stunt my growth.

I mean let’s be honest.  If I were upset right now.  I would have every reason to be because of the rocks that have been thrown at me.  But taking my own advice, I am being very careful about what I give my energy to.

I watched one of my favorite movies today and in the opening the main character said, “There’s two things people have to find out about themselves. They have to find out about love and they have find out about living.”

I am finding that love comes in many forms as well along with change.  The love you have for your life, your family, your career, and your interests ultimately fuels your existence.  You are given one life and many times over you will make mistakes.  However, those mistakes become your lessons and your badge of courage to dare to do something different.

The love you have for your family, immediate or extended trumps all love because there is nothing you wouldn’t do for them.  Even your friends, because through the years your friends become some of your most relied upon people in your life.  Blood or water, you recognize family by the love you receive from them.  The love for your career feeds your passion and your drive…I’m a mother FIRST, teacher second, and blooming writer.  I’m still niching things out!  Lastly your interests… I would rather try a million things than try nothing at all and live a boring life.

I’m so interested in living that I am not taking anything for granted.  I can say that at times in my life I was consumed by love and the the approval of my significant other that in this present time I have decided to just be happy-go-lucky me.  And by that I mean sometimes you have to live through the deceitfulness of others and realize that that is not your battle to fight.  You have to live through the heartbreak and be glad you have another chance at love.  That even means you have to live through some brutal honesty and accept what is. “Accepting what is” does not mean be a fool it just means that you recognize situations for what they are and don’t push pass it.

Living in the moment may be instant gratification for some and prolonged disappointment for others, but at any rate it is complete joy to be present in whatever environment you are in and taking it all in.  One friend says that he sacrifices his happiness for responsibility.  I don’t agree with him while on the other hand another friend gives no shits about the opinions of others and just lives.

My interactions daily enlighten me on how people approach life, deal with life, and understand life.  There is no right or wrong way to live as long as you are not maliciously out to hurt people.  It is not what comes out of your mouth that defiles you, but what you feel in your heart.  Sadly some people think they have the monopoly on sadness, hurt, deceit, and being broken-hearted.  But no one holds the monopoly on feelings.  You live, you learn, and you move the hell on.

Live and let live.  The love you so freely give will be given to you in return.  The light you shine as you live will be turned on you and will forever shine bright.  So what must we learn…don’t force it… Love or Living…

A lot of times we give off more than we ever receive…

xoxo

~LaTilya Rashon

11 Summers of Reflection

image

In a friendly conversation I was asked if I reflect on my life.  I had to resist saying, “Duh!” because it would have been childish, but it turned into a fruitful conversation and a serious train of thought for me.  Since coming into the new year, I promised myself that I wouldn’t dwell in the past, but some things are worth remembering.  Today I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and knew that I had to sit down for this blog post.

I separated from the Air Force in 2007, the summer of 2007 and here I am now, not working my 11th summer and still getting paid.  That is a blessing!  Not because I’m an educator, but it is a blessing that I have a career that I love and it frees up my time to pursue my passion during breaks and holidays.  My website and blog are my outlet to practice my writing skills as I crank out my inspirational nonfiction.  I never thought nonfiction would have been the genre of my first two books My Fourth Year in Middle School:  The Truth About Teaching (2016) and Brown Sugar Magic: Goal Setting and Reflections Journal (2017).

So here we go, 11 Summers of Reflection…

2007:  I was scared out of my mind to be separating from the Air Force after six years because I was concerned with finding a job.  It didn’t matter that I had earned two associates degrees, my bachelors, and was separating honorably, I was preparing in my mind for my future.  I settled into my new home back in my home state and pushed dozens of my resume and applications out.  I chose to go work for the Office of Child Support Services.  In eight months I learned that child support enforcement is not the kind of job I wanted.  Thankfully I was a forward thinker and able to move on.

2008: The summer of newness.  After working for the State of Georgia for a hot minute… I was impressive enough to secure interviews in April of 2008 to become a teacher.  So mid-way through my Master’s program leading into the summer, I was blessed enough to not work a second summer in a row, and still collect a check.  My Essentials to Teaching class was an eye-opener, but I was excited to take on a new challenge and start my new career as a teacher.  I had no idea what I was getting into.

2009:  This summer broke me just a little….  I had been with my high school crush since 2001 right before joining the Air Force, but at the end of my first year of teaching we had a MAJOR fight… the fight was the snowball to that marriage.  I celebrated my first year of teaching, the highs and lows.  I found love for the classroom and for the students I taught.  I moved forward with my career while crying my eyes out at night, but pulling it together to be SUPER mom for my boys.  We separated.  Tough Summer!

2010:  I had filed for divorce, experienced a fling with a blast from the past and when that didn’t work, I flew to Puerto Rico.  It was just the getaway that I needed.  Now there is no need for details, but being around a familiar and trustworthy face made the trip worth it.  We ate, we drank, we talked.  I loved him but we understood that our love was not to be explored beyond where we were at.  We were adults… still distant friends… Truly someone I will never forget.  I see his life now and I’m extremely happy for him.

2011:  I had completed my third year of teaching and I had some tough decisions to make.  Reconcile completely or not to reconcile at all.  Things were not adding up so I made a choice to walk away.  After someone says they don’t like the word marriage, you walk away.  I never work summer school, but one of my friends had the bright idea to start a book club and we had the most fun ever.  The book club fell to wayside because life happened but shortly after the summer, September to be exact, I was officially divorced.  After all according to that spouse, marriage was just a piece of paper.  Ain’t no way hell was I about that life.

2012:  This was my summer of sexy!  I had officially become a homeowner and hosted my housewarming party.  This was one of the most rewarding experiences I had in a lifetime.  Becoming a homeowner and decorating my home was the best feeling ever.  I could not have been more excited in this year of independence.  I loved every moment of my freedom to do as I chose.

2013: Summer of blur.  I was in a relationship.  It was fun.  It was combative.  Two summers post divorce, and second summer of home ownership.  I had tunnel vision and was completing my last required courses towards my doctorate.  I was trying to be a free spirit and finding myself all over again.

2014:  Let’s call this the summer of love.  I was smitten. I was engaged. I was a nervous wreck.  I was trying!  I think I tried and cried so hard this particular summer.  I honestly don’t know if I was coming or going.  But that is all apart of life.  The struggle to get to what is real.

2015:  The summer of laughter.  A beautiful summer of grilling, slip and slides for the kids, Tybee Island, Jekyll Island, and Summer Waves.  WE had fun…a lot of fun.  I was oblivious and living in the moment.  I was happy.  My boys were growing up and mama was having a life too.  Life could not have been more grand than what it was.

2016:  Revelations and Celebrations!  A year ago I was flying back from Fort Lauderdale after walking across the grand stage to receive my Doctorate of Education.  I was starting my “business” of writing and blogging and trying to figure things out.  I published my book and was on an emotional high.  Of course some things did not feel right in my marriage, but I took things in stride and accepted some harsh realities.  The highs of cruising to the Bahamas a second time, Florida, and family kept me motivated.  I was continuing to come into my own.

2017:  The journey to here!  I am elated to be standing because I know who I am.  I know the impact I have on my LOVED ones, and the RESPECT I have earned in my career, my family, my friends, and my life.  The story is still being written as I’m WRITING!  So do I reflect on my LIFE?  Hell yes I reflect on my life and I am forever grateful for all of my experiences.  The GOOD and the BAD.  The HURTFUL and the LOVING.

In my 11 summers I have made time for myself.  I love myself and the woman that I continue to become.  Others will wonder how I do it?  I’ll just say that it’s the drive and the God in me.  I’m not perfect, I’m original.

Live~Reflect~Write~Learn

LaTilya Rashon

7 Reasons I Take A Selfie Each Day

File_000In life we wake up some days feeling like we can conquer the world and other days we wake up not feeling 100% ready to face the world.  There is happiness when everything little thing in your life makes you smile, laugh, and feel special whether it’s daily or for short period of time.  In those moments that you feel special you want to capture your glow and show your beauty to the world.  Your world may be your social media following but when your face appears on someone’s timeline it may give them the breath of fresh air they need.

However, in this day in time where taking the best selfie could take many tries at the best angle; we strive to capture our best angles and put out best face forward.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there is nothing wrong with taking your picture everyday if you want to.  You may not post your picture each day but in your own time and self-reflection see things about yourself and in yourself that you need to work on.  Keeping with my lists, I have decided that after this storm that had been raging in my life, I’d like to share the 7 Reasons I Take A Selfie Each Day.

File_007Sunday- I wake-up refreshed and renewed ready to go sit in the Lord’s house (not every Sunday) to get the spiritual cleansing I need.  On this day I am happy that I have breath in my body and that I have favor on my life to push me forward even when I feel like my faith has wavered.  Sometimes I have to just get up and go to church in order to get my mind right and press on even when I am not feeling my best.  I capture my moment of clarity and say Thank You Jesus!File_002

Monday- It is the start of my work week.  Everybody disdains Monday because the weekend went by entirely too fast.  However, sometimes on Monday I am are ready to tackle my work week and knock out some tasks I desperately need to get done.  Mondays aren’t always pretty but it is the day I jump start my productivity and take charge of my objectives, goals, and everything that pushes me towards my purpose.  In this moment I capture my determination and focus and paint that picture in my heaFile_003

Tuesday- It’s not quite the middle of the week, it’s still the top of the week and this day has already gotten long.  I’m running to take care of my children, go to the store, squeeze in a workout, I’m practically living in my car.  I’m a mom on the go and as much as I would like to slow down, it is impossible to slow down with so much to do.  I take my picture and laugh at my busy schedule because for the most part, I’m ALWAYS in my car.File_005

Wednesday- It’s HUMP DAY! The middle of the week is exciting because in two more days I don’t have to move if I don’t want.  But I must lay Wednesday down, contemplate going to Bible Study which in the past I regularly attended, but now I find comfort in my home and perhaps eating some chicken wings and French fries and calling it a night.  There is nothing too special about this day other than my work week in almost over and have by now written a new blog, added followers to my social media and finding ways to network. I’m doing what I love…writing so I snap a picture, not necessarily of me of a symbol of my passion.File_006

Thursday- It’s FRIDAY JR!  I’m in my car screaming, “Why isn’t this week over yet?”  I’m not rushing the week to be over, but I’m ready to rest.  My children have driven my crazy at school this particular day and I’m two seconds from snapping. But I have to remember that I need my job, so I will watch my mouth.  LOL!  I can control my mouth, but this face has a mind of it’s own. I capture my frustration, my frown lines, and say, “Jesus take the wheel.”File_001

Friday-  I like those Fridays that fall during a break or holidays because I’m in no rush to do anything.  But when I do, I take my time, make myself look pretty and step out looking so fresh and so clean.  I never waste and opportunity to snap a shot, post a pic and keep it moving.  On these days I feel the weight of the world leave my shoulders and I relax.  In these moments, I’m Doing Me…Being Me…For Me!File_004

Saturday- I will be officially lazy.  I’m in my bed or on my chaise lounge not moving because I don’t want.  I play on my chromebook and officially have my iphone attached to my hand.  Of course it’s more selfie time as I experiment with my make-up in my bathroom.  Fix an adult beverage or three and relax.  I spend time with friends sometimes, or run around at football games with my sons.  My selfie game is on point and by day seven I have found the best lighting, angle, and position.

My sadness may be there for some to see.  Friends that know me understand how I shield my disappointments.  I once read somewhere that people take pictures of things that they don’t want to lose.  I work hard to not lose myself in all of my situations, life turmoil, and setbacks that could be sure to take someone unlike me, OUT!  I take my picture as a time stamp for where I was at physically, mentally, and emotionally in my life.  There is nothing wrong with capturing my highs and my lows.  I am who I POST to be…Perfectly Imperfect…Taking Risks…Discovering More About Myself…all while continuing to put my beautiful confusion on display.

Take your picture!  Post your picture and try not to take things so seriously.

The Emancipation of LaTilya

Divorce is not a curse.  In my case it has turned out to be a blessing.  I have replayed the last seven months in my mind and I am at peace with everything that has happened.  I made a smart choice for me to not stay in a bad situation where the relationship just was not working.  I say it time and time again that no one gets married just to turn around and get divorced, but in my case it was necessary.

dirty_mind_by_anneeeth-d60a43s

Often times we try to hold to someone because you try to make the good outweigh the bad and hold on because you see potential.  Promises, potential, and intention can only get you so far when you begin to realize that your spouse’s words do not match their actions.

At first I felt like a failure because hey I’m young and divorced now twice.  I thought I’d be judged for my failed marriage and I would be blamed, when the reality truly is, he just did not appreciate who I was as his wife.  He has since tried to apologize a couple of times, but as soon as I walked out of the courtroom I BLOCKED his number.  There is POWER in blocking someone out of your life.

I completely spazzed out and lost my mind back in September wanting to lash out at him for hurting me and breaking our vows, but I had to let that go.  No it was not easy because after all for the few years we were together I believed everything he ever said to me.  There was nothing or no one that could have ever made me feel otherwise about him.

But I have.  See I learned a valuable and eyeopening lesson as the relationship began to fail.  Those true colors came shining through and one day I just woke and realized that I had had enough and I needed to let it go.  I vowed to come into 2017 not carrying emotional baggage that would do nothing more than slow me down.  The marriage was over, I just had to officially file for the divorce.  I DID and it was FINALIZED a month ago.

I have not seen him since Christmas Eve and that was the day that it all came crashing down into a pile of rubble.  I am not ashamed of having a heart and opening my life up to someone and accepting them for who they were.  I was not a nag.  I was a pretty damn good wife.  But I would never be enough to someone who was not ready for me.  For someone who could not love me how I deserved to be loved.  I was not the one for a man that didn’t not value my worth.  Even though he pursued our relationship and popped the magical question.

I did not settle for an unhealthy relationship.  I have continued to smile while all hell was breaking loose around me.  I am not perfect but I know it was nothing but God’s grace that has seen me through.  I will continue to pray and seek his face because I know that prayer does work.

I do not wish break-ups, divorce, and hardships on anyone because it’s not in my heart.  I have no ill-will towards anyone.  I sleep well at night because my heart is pure.  Sure I will confuse people, and people may even wonder where I come from, but I am a unique woman.  I’m brashly complex, intelligent and emotional.  I’m simultaneously nice and mean (only if you cross me).

 I’m real! I’m really really real! LOL!

I will love again!  I have love in my heart!  I will be unapologetic for how I love!

I believe in love in it’s purest form…

The highest expression of love is to give without expecting,
The highest expression of love is to accept without expectations.

~India Arie

The Emancipation of LaTilya