Don’t Be Polarized By Criticism

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“Well behaved women seldom make history.”

I will definitely be the first to admit that when it comes to writing I am extremely protective of my words and the last thing I want to have happen is someone dislike my point of view.  But guess what…it happens and it is what it is.

However, as I continue to move forward with writing and exposure I understand that I must keep writing to getting better as I work on other projects (specifically books) that I hope to engage a greater following.

Diving into what’s socially acceptable or not is a slippery slope and being too careful can make you boring.  But the realistic goal at the end of the day is to create a spark around your name.  I have heard the questions about why I write about the things I post and how my content shifts from branding to personal, but in reality this is my style.  I am working on staging my work to show my progress as a writer/blogger and self-published author because I am my brand.  I want to do things myself (have complete creative control), so as I take my time to get some things done behind the scenes, please understand that this is indeed a massive process.

Some of the blogging experts suggest pushing for tasty content…

What are you trying to teach someone?  What expertise do you bring to the issue and trending topic?  How will your insight transform the minds of those that follow your action steps and why they should listen to you?  I learned the need to be tasty while tuned into a live session one night with one of the notables.  On the other hand there is another expert that simply says all authors should have a blog because it sharpens your skills.  I have negated my ideas of me being my brand…and just when I was supposed to have a photo shoot to do some promo shots for my website and do what I thought was best for my website and image those plans fell through… It Simply Was Not Time!

Socially Acceptable Behavior

I’m glad I’ve taken the time to regroup and reconsider what I need to do for me.  My social media platforms garner attention in several ways and the whispers have spread into full out conversations about my uncensorship in some areas and my overly outright spoken feelings in other areas.  Just yesterday a colleague laughed with me about my snapchat (@tilyarealeyes) diaries.  I use it to vent, to laugh, and to BS my way through the day sometimes.  It’s all in fun.  And as us creatives, business-minded, entrepreneurs work out our niches it is easy to be “polarized by the criticism of others”.  We see it day after day from everyday people like me that create with care on up to celebrities that post a simple picture because they are living their life that keeps us all highly entertained.

I am sure that as I continue to share my voice, my thoughts, my concerns, and my journey there will be someone standing on the sideline with a sign that reads…”Not a fan!”  But I can’t be concerned with the negative questions and thoughts of others because they are not in my shoes running this race.   It would be too easy to just scroll pass what someone dislikes because they feel that their opinion is needed and justified.

I have played around on my platforms and while it’s a process to build my presence online it’s not the people that I don’t know with the questions and fake concern, it’s the ones close by that I know personally that have the most to say about what I’m writing.  I write about my real life and real experiences.  So hearing that I’m “heavy” on social media made me chuckle a little and damn near put me on the defense.  Who are these people to question what I’m doing?  And just to be clear I am too busy building my name to worry about what others don’t understand about what I’m doing.  I have sparked a conversation so evidently I’m doing something RIGHT!

I completely separate my personal life and my blogging life.  What I write about may be influenced by my day to day but my LaTilya Rashon blog, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter will depict what I want to have.  This hat as a writer and continuously improving author is completely different than my everyday job as a teacher.  I can teach people about life (love, relationships, parenting, coping, and simply LIVING) on my blog and how to cope with shit on a regular basis.

The struggle is real when no one understands your vision and what plans you have for your career.   My being socially acceptable on my platforms is for me to decide without the negative criticism of others.  I said a long time ago that people find favor in you when they like what you have to say and represent.  But I’ve also learned the lesson that my friends are not my target audience so I’m never surprised by the local feedback or lack thereof.

I am constantly thinking of ways to be impactful with my writing and the out pour I receive from inbox messages, reshares of my blog post, and new followers edges me along. I appreciate all of the support and encouragement I receive!

I welcome all feedback because I have made up in my mind that nothing will deter me and I will not stop because others think that I should.

If you would like to keep up with me on Facebook please follow me here atimg_4830 LaTilya Rashon “TilyaRealEyes” 

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3 Things I’m Completely Obsessing Over

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In the second quarter of 2018, I find that I am more centered and focused on my holistic existence.  In a round about conversation with my mom this morning on my way to work I laid these words upon her ears, “If it does not feed my soul, I’m not interested.”

My mom is more than just the person I lean on most of the time, but she is truly my closest and most relied upon friend in my life.  Every time I talk to her I get life just by her listening to me and pouring her love and encouragement into me. And after last week I am completely obsessed with a couple of things in my life as I work towards accomplishing these new goals and tasks.

So here’s a little of the back story before I focus on those three things.  A teacher friend of mine down in Coastal Georgia purchased both of my books last week and left me with glowing reviews on her social media.  I am forever grateful because it’s not that I didn’t think that I had the power to be influential, I just had to let my presence be felt through my blog.  Being told, “Baby you gave me my fire and spark back!”, was right on time.

I was totally surprised when I checked my instagram (@tilyarealeyes) and realized that I had been tagged in a couple of post.  My work being acknowledged by one of my peers and someone I’ve know for a long time has me pumped about other things that I want to venture out and do.  So with that being said, now that it’s May here are the 3 things that I’m completely obsessing over in no particular order…

Thing 1:  I have been toying with the idea of a fictional book and while the story line is clear in my head, I don’t want to rush it.  I hear the characters speaking to me all of the time and I know that they cannot wait to continue telling their story.  Just understand that Lauren, Black, Kira, and Zamir are a trip!  However, the only reason this is a pressing matter for me is because I overthink every single thing I plan out for myself and really truly just want every thing to be perfect.  Then I have to remind myself that the first draft does not have to be perfect, it just has to get done.  There are some other pieces I’m working on simultaneously, but getting this fictional story out first is my priority.  I’m sure that through discipline and time management I can get this story out mid summer… WOOSAH!  No pressure, but I will get it done.

Thing 2:  I have been pinning my life away on pinterest as I sort through my feelings about life, love, friendship, and business.  It’s no secret that I like to have a cocktail or two and the liquor, beer, and partying industry is only flourishing.  I want to learn how to be a bartender.  For one, I think that it would be fun to learn how to do and secondly, I want to make extra cash on the side just to be honest.  I have a vision about bar-tending in my mind, that just like with anything else I set out to do… I WANT TO BE GOOD AT IT!  I’m also learning to that a lot of people are doing the same thing I’m doing— 1)perusing pinterest for ideas then 2) adding their own little twist to concoctions that basically have the same ingredients.  What can I say—bar-tending, story telling, and then blogging about would add the spice I want to add to my blog.

Thing 3: I am completely obsessed with maintaining balance in my life.  Ever since I decided to block out the noise and take inventory of myself, I’m much more at peace.  Placing my energy and focus into self-caring my way through this year has me centered and not focusing on the many things that can occur in a day that are out of my control.  I have taken charge of my life and plan to be my own hero when  need be.  I have to pour into myself more, encourage myself more, because as the strong person I am—I have neglected my peace of mind at times.  If I want consistency in all areas of my life, then I have to be consistent with myself.  Having balance in my life protects me from situations that are detrimental to my growth…I have to safeguard my heart, my intentions, and my conversations because my path in life thus far has been very enlightening and I just want to restore my well-being and be the best me that I know how to be.  I’m learning to dig deeper, listen to my intuition and trust my process.  I have never had an issue with self-love, but right now due to what I need in my life, what I’m allowing around me looks different.

As I continue to listen to my intuition more, I recognize what is real in my life.  I ran from one of my strongest attributes for a while.  I’m taking back my power each and every day and choosing me.  I’m glad that the lessons in my life have helped me to arrive here at a place of gratefulness.  I may be obsessing about things, but I’m focused and driven towards my personal victories and success.

I Will Sit, Wait, and Be Silent

I have been on an unapologetic tour and living my life my way because I never want to feel boxed in by anyone’s expectations or opinions of me.  I am taking moments on the regular to embrace my current status and put myself first in all of my thought processes.  I have had to learn how to be my own hero and not depend on anyone who was truly not going to be here for me.  My renewed sense of self rears its pretty head as I wake up each day fully rested from the night before because I am in control of my existence.

I have a very strong prayer life and rarely do I share my closest thoughts with anyone because not everyone will be empathetic to your personal pains.  I myself am an empath…the people in my life that I care an extreme amount about capture a part of my being that renders me incapable of ignoring their shifts and storms.  I am a good listener and however abrasive I am at times, my friends know that I wouldn’t tell them what they want to hear just to appease their feelings.

See, at the onset of 2018 I had a lot of questions swimming in my head that made me adjust how I deal with confusion and then deal with the person causing the confusion.  My brother says I’m a logical person that analyzes everything and that the way my brain works it makes abnormal.  I accept that because I say it clearly whenever I am asked, “What is it about me?”  I just simply say that I am DIFFERENT!

When I take a moment to pause everything that I need to see becomes visible.  Everything that I need to hear is being said.  And everything that I need to let go of is released because under all of this confidence is a woman that has felt unimaginable hurt that I have buried deeply inside of me because I’m not defined by those things.  Not to sound like a cliche but yes everything happens for a reason.  Discernment is a blessing when you recognize it as your gift.

I know things will come about in my life that will alter my views and challenge my thoughts and ultimately continue to push me forward.  So as I live for the moment completely unaware of what is to come next, I will sit, wait, and listen.

Sitting Pretty: Sitting does not mean I will become a hermit and not enjoy all that life has to offer.  It means that I will sit still and not move too fast on anything too soon.  Like for instance, I went on a couple dates with this one guy and though he was nice—our ideas and thoughts were not in line with each other.  I knew that I was not in the same mindset and the conversation of building with someone (a year post divorce) was not the life I’m envisioning for myself at the moment.  I want to take some time to get know me, explore my creativity, push myself to the limit, and see how far my goals and aspirations will take me.  Yes, I know I’ve done a lot already but I want more for myself.  I’m in a season of selfishness and I cannot afford to be distracted by things that do not feed my drive.   As I am sitting, I am watching and taking a lot in on a daily basis.  When it is time to purge, I will be at a place in my life where all the pieces make sense and I will have elevated my existence… mind, body, and spirit.  Until then I will sit!

Waiting Patiently:  I am not waiting for a night in shining amour.  I am waiting for my mind to slow down and not feel like everything has to happen immediately. No Rush! This second quarter of this new year is showing me a lot because as I slow down and take inventory of myself, I am becoming more appreciative of my time.  I was asked by my students where all did I attend college and after I rambled off my 16 years of enrollments and degrees conferred, I smiled on the inside.  I have worked tirelessly towards my credentials, my career, being a great mom, and maintaining relationships (significant others, friends, and family) that I’m burned out.  I’m burned out from the nonreciprocal effort as I reclaim my peace of mind and focus on myself.  The only people that come before me are my children because they depend on me to take care of them.  I knew the day would come that I would slow down just a little bit to enjoy all that I have accomplished.  I will wait in the balance of this life that I live and strengthen my mind…

Being Silent: I woke up one day about two weeks ago and decided that I was not going to speak on certain things.  That didn’t mean that I was not going to talk, it just meant that my conversation had to be guarded a little bit more because oversharing begins to sound redundant.  Again in casual conversation with my brother I shared my thoughts on a bothersome situation and while he sympathetically listened, I realized sometimes that’s all I need.  Telling someone how you feel all of the time is not warranted and actually isolates you in those feeling from time to time.  I thought at some point in my life I had to be open with the ones I cared about as an expression of my loyalty to them so they’d know in turn that I would always be there for them.  Turns out…some people can’t handle your feelings and are confused about you at the same time.  In my silence, I didn’t shut down, I just pulled back and decided I would speak on what is presented to me and not what I thought I should say.  I received two phone calls as a result of my intention, my bestfriend and a dear friend.  The in-depth conversations that were had provided clarity and peace that was welcomed for both them and myself.  I have continued to be silent and prayerful for those two because the love and concern for them is real.

April has been a month of personal reflection and this has been what I’ve needed.  I shifted from the business branding and blogging to focus on what is real in my life right now.  I’m not conflicted nor am I lonely. I am surrounded by love and appreciation.  I sit, I wait, and I listen, taking time for me as I continue my journey into self-care.

Thanks for reading…

I’m In Your Chest

*Very Personal but Much Needed Post For Myself*

On the year mark of my divorce *March 27th* I took to my FB and exposed my heart.  It garnered almost a couple of hundred likes and I realized even more so that people like transparency and authenticity.  I was not seeking to bash anyone.  I was not making a comparison of my marriages, I was simply saying that this is where I am at in this stage of my life.

I brand myself as a writer daily.  I share my thoughts.  I rethink moments of my past and reflect on the good and the bad.  I recognize my strength that I am often reminded of by other people and I grow stronger.

But every now and then there is someone on the sideline pressed by my life and try to find reasons to dig into it which only makes me go deeper into who I am.  The questions begin to rise and I find myself here being an open book due to inquiry.

Questions:

“Who is she to you?”

“Why don’t she write about love anymore?”

“Do you still talk to her?”

“Are you involved with her?”

“Where did she come from?”

“Why is she in your life?”

“What makes you tick?”

“Why are you so inspired?”

“Who is she trying to be?”

“Who is she trying to fool?”

“Why does she think she’s so important?”

That list could go on for days but my only question back and I have to say thanks to Cardi B. for this one, but

WHY DOES MY LIFE UPSET YOUR WHOLE CHEST?

All I want to do is produce dope content, write books, and expand my reach.  My education and work experience will only take me so far within the realm of doing things the right way.  However, at times there is a need to be unorthodox and draw attention because I’m letting you know I’m real.

A while ago on my blog I talked about people trying to use your life against you.  Well yes there was this one time way back in 2009 I got arrested and spent one night in jail.  That mugshot is deplorable but after “Happy Hour” with my sorors to celebrate the end of my first year of teaching and then later on some live music, that was an EPIC night in my life.  My arrest is no secret, it’s a matter of public record which I went through the process of getting expunged.  It has not hurt my career or serve as a shameful moment.  It serves as a teachable moment because I have never lost my shit again in such a way that it would be detrimental to my career.

I have written about religion, relationships, love, teaching, and anything that moves me at the moment.  I’ve experimented with my blog to see what engages my audience and every time I am completely uncensored I get an out pour of support to “Keep Doing Me”.

I’m a topic of discussion often because people wonder how I do it.  I face it!  I face all of it!  That’s how I do it. There’s no secret to winning at life you just have to keep living.

So to answer the questions… I am who I am unapologetically.  I have connections with people that transcend superficial attachments because I’m unafraid to live out loud.  My living out loud may be different and difficult for people to understand and the love people give me is not to be understood by anyone but me.

So yes in this next quarter of 2018 I plan to be in your chest!  I’m allowed to switch up my style and approach whenever I choose.  I don’t have to write about love to know that I am loved and I don’t have to defend who I am.

My blog and your interest speaks for itself.

I am LaTilya Rashon continuing to Live, Reflect, Write, and Learn<3

 

How To Be The Best Version Of Yourself

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I have to challenge myself to blog more consistently but most importantly put out content that is engaging and thought provoking.  There is nothing like working on being consistent and letting ideas build up in your mind before escaping to the keyboard.

There was something holding me back because I felt a spirit of doom around me for the greater part of 2017.  I was in a rut.  Now don’t get me wrong I still produced some content but the mindset around what I was writing was more fluff than substance. I needed to rethink my strategy, my purpose, and ultimately decided I needed to change my narrative.

How can I be productive if I’m not operating in my true capacity of creativity?  How can I be better at what I do and what I create if I’m not taking the time to inventory my surroundings and remove what is not benefiting me. Even when I began eliminating things and people out of life, I felt stuck.  I had to do something.

The first thing I decided to do was feed my soul.  It’s not about going to church and becoming super religious, I simply began to tell myself yes while telling others no.  As an individual you cannot give so much of yourself to others because then you will have nothing left inside.  I often think that I could be doing more with my time, but the reality is that I extend myself and when I’m feeling the stress of overextending myself, I feel my internal shelf begin to crack.  Feeding my soul has resulted in selectively turning down invitations for outings and not participating due to my level of discomfort.  Working through my disappointments and accepting that life is often interrupted. I began to rely more on my intuition to guide me.  I admit to myself when I am not okay.  I process my feelings around not being okay, and once I deal with my emotions I resurface and continue to live my life.

I have become more in touch with my own vibrations that I have taken things a step further to recognize who is for me and genuinely wants to be in my life without making excuses for their periodic absences (GHOSTING as it is now called).  I am guilty of wanting something so badly to point of distraction, but being caught up in the rapture of the unfamiliar sends you swinging.  I have had to listen to how my mind vibrates in conversations, how my body reacts to the day to day grind of living, and the calmness of my soul when I speak and immerse myself into my surroundings.

So my advice to you on becoming a better version of yourself means that you have to let go of the control and push through life organically.  It is hard to shake things off that make you tick both in a good and bad way, but the shake-up is necessary.  I needed a cleansing of my spirit so I jumped out of my comfort zone and it’s a battle each day.

Another step I took into changing my narrative has been listening to how I self-talk and encourage myself.  How you speak to yourself reminds you of who you are and pushes you to where you want to be.

I put it out into the atmosphere that I was letting go!  Letting go of the hurt and walking away from things that no longer feed my soul.  At some of my lowest points I have felt bogged down by embarrassment and bad choices.  The spirit of defeat was surrounding me.  Some of the bad things that I have endured in my life were not my choices, but I was on the back end of mistreatment.  So I made up in my mind that in order to flourish, I decided to not be a victim of my circumstances.  The reality is that everyone does not have the same heart as you, so you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else.  Sadly, everyone is going to hurt you and give you conflicting memories in your life, but the same people that hurt you play an intricate role in your development and identity.

Every since I have made the decision to inhale positivity and embrace the unknown, I find my spirit lighter.  I even did a ceremonial smudging of my home.  I had always heard that sage and meditation clears the atmosphere of impurities  so I began speaking that into the atmosphere which prompted a really great friend of mine to send me a ceremonial kit.  See even in the small things I am grateful because she did not have to do it, but like minded spirits communicate near and far.

In life you will not have all of the answers.  In life you will continue to make mistakes that alter your perceptions, but you will continue to live and grow through those choices.  There is no formula to being the best version of yourself other than to wake up each day and decide you are going to better than you were the day before.

You only have one life to live.  This is not an ode to YOLO (You Only Live Once) but present moment reality check.  The best version of you is right around the corner so surround yourself with ideas and people that feed your spirit, encourage your growth, and create the life you want to live.

There are risks involved in everything that you do so take care of your inner-self and watch how changing your thought process begin to flourish in the way that you live.  I am operating in the best version of myself and want to encourage others to do the same.

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Be You, Do You, For You

As an individual, you ponder your thoughts so often that your second guess becomes your mainstay when you should probably trust your gut instincts.  I by far am not perfect but I do have a high moral code and I just believe that people should do what they say they are going to do without hesitation.  I also believe that sometimes our reactions to situations set a precedent that some people can handle and on the other hand some shy away from.

I am a WHOLE me all by myself and there is nothing no one outside my immediate circle of friends that can make me think otherwise.  So with that thought in mind BE YOU!

We all have some clandestine relationships with people that will rock some emotions, but truth be told EVERYBODY don’t deserve to see ALL of you.  It’s a cliche but we all tend to keep our circles small and those that we are most vulnerable with GET IT!  They understand when you are being your true self venting about your frustrations, heart-broken about love, redefining your life, and ultimately growing past your mistakes.  In being you, you hold yourself to a high standard, especially if you have HIGH ESTEEM of yourself, better than anyone else does.  You, me, or anyone else for that matter are not responsible for how people perceive you to be.   Being authentically you is your super power and in this competitive world YOU have to be YOU and ON at ALL times.  Even when you fall off, never let them see you sweat.

I sit and wonder about the direction my life and career is going because there’s always room for improvement.  However, don’t let just anybody speak over your life.  DO YOU the best way you know how and watch the pieces come together.

Based on someone’s introduction of you through what they have heard or what they have seen, some folks like you immediately and others bane your existence.

Well tough shit!

You can’t go through life living and pleasing others to the point of saying no to yourself.  I don’t agree with it.  I don’t believe in sugar coating a damn thing.  So in doing me, I get things out in the open, off my chest, and then keep moving.  You can’t go through life sparing others because one thing I have learned in my time on earth; Ain’t nobody going to spare my feelings.  After I have sat and cried, festered, obsessed, and been angry about some things, I have also realized my resiliency speaks before I ever do. Everyone is not going to be sorry for how they treat you and the best way to combat that is to always stand up and DO YOU!

Your happiness.  Your triumphs.  Your courage.  Those three things are your motivation.  You have to do for yourself before you can ever do for others. In all actions let them be FOR YOU and a truly reflection of you.

If anyone claims to be perfect they are a lie and ain’t no veracity in them.  I have had to forgive myself for my petty thoughts, outbursts, and reactions to the bullshit.  To be totally honest I have had to accept apologies I was never going to get.  Sadly, but some people don’t have problems with the things they do wrong to you, they only have a problem if you notice and call them on that shit.  Tonight I am raw in this blog because I’ve been listening to people be tired of the same types of things that get on my nerves and they need an outlet.  I’ll be that buffer…that go between…that voice.  Sometimes we need to know that when we choose to do things for ourselves it’s not out of selfishness, but pure conservation of our energy.  I can’t be who anyone wants me to be, I can only be me for me and if that offends anyone, then PARDON MY BACK!  After being mistreated, overlooked, and at times rejected you have to just do what you want with not regard to others FOR YOU.  That does not mean be careless for the rest of your life, that means set boundaries and never let another person take you out of your element.

We all need a reminder every now and then of just who we truly are.  Some of us are more than just a pretty face.  We have scars, we have pasts, we have baggage.  We also have strength, we have courage, and we have wisdom.

Let go of what was.  Embrace what is yet to come.  Be You, Do You, For You and forget whoever ain’t with it.

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Deference of Love

dictionary-love-18251xI had to take some time to gather my thoughts and really take inventory of what was going on around me.  I can admit that this time last year I was in a dark place asking myself daily, “Why me?”  I didn’t have the answers and I did not seek refuge in others I actually sat alone many nights and talked to my sister-in-love about the turmoil in my life.

How could the one I gave my love to break my heart so bad?  But I slowly put myself back together differently than I had before and realized that nothing was wrong with me.  It’s just that sometimes you can want to be with someone that you are not meant to be with.  I didn’t marry him thinking that we would get divorced.  I married him because I took a chance at love.

Even in the haze of that tumultuous relationship I never gave up on love.  A year later my outlook on love has changed a lot and the reality is that I CHOOSE to LOVE in spite of the cards I am dealt.  I laugh at my perception of love, the way I love and the conversations others have around me about love because I am often asked will I get married again.

NOPE, NOT RIGHT NOW.

That thought is not on my radar.

I think many of us are haunted by the thought of being happy that we often sabotage a beautiful beginning because it seems too good to be true.  I am sure most ladies in the world of reality television saw the episode of Braxton’s Family Values when Toni asked the question, “Have you ever been afraid to be happy?”

That question stuck with me because I’ve never been afraid to be happy but sometimes what is the point of being happy when you have no one to genuinely share your happiness with?  Yes I can be happy with myself, but sometimes, just sometimes you want to share your highs and lows with someone that “GET’S IT!”

It’s a rhetorical question.

I am not looking for an answer.  I’m just saying what the many strong-willed people in my life say on a regular basis.  But what is the point of love if it is such a hurting thing?

Love endures a lot or do people endure a lot of things in the name of love?

The irony!

  1. What if love was more genuine and no one ever got hurt?
  2. Would we know what love is supposed to feel like in the deference of it’s position in our hierarchy of needs?

Let me bow out of the questions.  Get back to the point!

You, we, individuals are never fools for choosing to love again and again.  In our constant effort for self-improvement and self-acceptance, we must be vulnerable with ourselves to experience all of life truisms.

In this sad state of affairs that we live in and constant need to one up the next person, we miss out on some fantastic opportunities in life to live and be genuinely happy.  It is also equally mind-blowing that some people settle for mediocrity and not fluidly live in love and passion that they speak so highly of.

There is a lot of love advice being tossed around lately and while it all is intriguing, I see the hustle for what it is.  I’m optimistic about love and what it is supposed to represent in our lives.  Unfortunately, the thought of loving without limits is lost.  Everyone is guarded whether intentionally or not.

Having your guard up is for your protection because someone who truly cares will breakdown your guard and build you up in the process.  Someone that cherishes you will not put you in harms way nor have you “out there in them streets” looking stupid.

I have a lot to say about love because it is the very essence of my being.  As I told my bestfriend last night,

“I don’t want to hear anyone say that there is no such thing as loving hard because there is.  I love hard and that is the only way to love.”

One last thought in my stream of consciousness.  To love hard is to give freely of yourself ensuring that the ones you love feel appreciated in every way.  Love is not a play on words, a business arrangement, or a wait and see kind of deal.  Love is sitting your ass down in the difficult times, being uncomfortable together until that feeling passes.

Some people don’t want real love, they want convenient playmates.