Deference of Love

dictionary-love-18251xI had to take some time to gather my thoughts and really take inventory of what was going on around me.  I can admit that this time last year I was in a dark place asking myself daily, “Why me?”  I didn’t have the answers and I did not seek refuge in others I actually sat alone many nights and talked to my sister-in-love about the turmoil in my life.

How could the one I gave my love to break my heart so bad?  But I slowly put myself back together differently than I had before and realized that nothing was wrong with me.  It’s just that sometimes you can want to be with someone that you are not meant to be with.  I didn’t marry him thinking that we would get divorced.  I married him because I took a chance at love.

Even in the haze of that tumultuous relationship I never gave up on love.  A year later my outlook on love has changed a lot and the reality is that I CHOOSE to LOVE in spite of the cards I am dealt.  I laugh at my perception of love, the way I love and the conversations others have around me about love because I am often asked will I get married again.

NOPE, NOT RIGHT NOW.

That thought is not on my radar.

I think many of us are haunted by the thought of being happy that we often sabotage a beautiful beginning because it seems too good to be true.  I am sure most ladies in the world of reality television saw the episode of Braxton’s Family Values when Toni asked the question, “Have you ever been afraid to be happy?”

That question stuck with me because I’ve never been afraid to be happy but sometimes what is the point of being happy when you have no one to genuinely share your happiness with?  Yes I can be happy with myself, but sometimes, just sometimes you want to share your highs and lows with someone that “GET’S IT!”

It’s a rhetorical question.

I am not looking for an answer.  I’m just saying what the many strong-willed people in my life say on a regular basis.  But what is the point of love if it is such a hurting thing?

Love endures a lot or do people endure a lot of things in the name of love?

The irony!

  1. What if love was more genuine and no one ever got hurt?
  2. Would we know what love is supposed to feel like in the deference of it’s position in our hierarchy of needs?

Let me bow out of the questions.  Get back to the point!

You, we, individuals are never fools for choosing to love again and again.  In our constant effort for self-improvement and self-acceptance, we must be vulnerable with ourselves to experience all of life truisms.

In this sad state of affairs that we live in and constant need to one up the next person, we miss out on some fantastic opportunities in life to live and be genuinely happy.  It is also equally mind-blowing that some people settle for mediocrity and not fluidly live in love and passion that they speak so highly of.

There is a lot of love advice being tossed around lately and while it all is intriguing, I see the hustle for what it is.  I’m optimistic about love and what it is supposed to represent in our lives.  Unfortunately, the thought of loving without limits is lost.  Everyone is guarded whether intentionally or not.

Having your guard up is for your protection because someone who truly cares will breakdown your guard and build you up in the process.  Someone that cherishes you will not put you in harms way nor have you “out there in them streets” looking stupid.

I have a lot to say about love because it is the very essence of my being.  As I told my bestfriend last night,

“I don’t want to hear anyone say that there is no such thing as loving hard because there is.  I love hard and that is the only way to love.”

One last thought in my stream of consciousness.  To love hard is to give freely of yourself ensuring that the ones you love feel appreciated in every way.  Love is not a play on words, a business arrangement, or a wait and see kind of deal.  Love is sitting your ass down in the difficult times, being uncomfortable together until that feeling passes.

Some people don’t want real love, they want convenient playmates.

 

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