Sometimes in September

 

nineThe month of September symbolizes so many different things for me that it is hard to put it all to rest in my heart because for years there has always been a battle that I had to face either with someone or alone.

September is the fall back month when I sit back and reflect about some of the shit I’ve been through then have to remind myself to push forward.  This will be an emotional read because Sometimes in September I am reminded of being choked and told “Bitch I’ll kill you…” at the same time.  That’s just something you never quite get over.  You try to block it out but the very thought of a man revving his hand back at you like he’s about to hit sends your blood boiling.

Even as the years pass on, by this particular time of year I’m so busy that I don’t have time to wallow in self pity.  I have to push forward and try to forget all of the things that have happened over the years of Septembers tried to wreck my inner peace.

So sometimes leading into fall the internal conflict I feel rears its ugly head and I have to find the strength to press forward even when I don’t want to.  I have to remember that my sons depend on me, and they have often said “Mommy you are strong you can handle anything.”

If these walls could talk, all of the Septembers throughout the years would tell you my secrets, my trials but more importantly tell you my triumphs.  My journey to here… being the woman I am is no easy feat.

Rightfully themed, Sometimes in September, a relatively short month, tests my character year after year as I enter a rebirth and rejuvenation of self deciding some shit just ain’t worth putting up with.

I’ve gone to court in September. I’ve had a divorce decreed in September.  I’ve found out I’ve been cheated on in the past, in the month of September. I have been lied to and told that you’re my soulmate in September and we can married tomorrow.  I’ve been left hanging in the balance in September.  And in all of my Septembers I’ve been reminded of my discipline, authenticity, and perseverance.  Because I simply cannot show my weakness.

I’ve been chastised for being an open book.  Told that I reveal too much.  I’ve been reminded of my truths in September and I remember every single person who said, “I’ll always be there.”

This ninth month of the year represents change.  A change in season.  A change attitude. In some cultures it the number representing “long-lasting”.  One of my close girlfriends said to me, “Look at how many Septembers you have survived.”

The number nine and September is my number of patience.  There is a reason for everything.  It has all been a test.  Divine completeness.  The fruits of the spirit. The number nine is powerful to me because I am always tested at this time.

I said it a few months ago and I’ll say again it, “Being a diamond in the rough, perfectly imperfect, and vulnerable is the true essence of your beauty.”  Just today as I felt things fall off of my internal shelf, I recognized that I’m not shattered but beautifully blemished and genuinely unique.

I find my truth in every situation I experience and overcome.  I am a bit of an enigma.  I face the realities of life and accept that my path was predetermined a long time ago.

Live, write, reflect, and learn.  I practice what I preach, too bad not enough people do the same.

Short and sweet… just like the month of September…

 

 

 

 

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