The Emancipation of LaTilya

Divorce is not a curse.  In my case it has turned out to be a blessing.  I have replayed the last seven months in my mind and I am at peace with everything that has happened.  I made a smart choice for me to not stay in a bad situation where the relationship just was not working.  I say it time and time again that no one gets married just to turn around and get divorced, but in my case it was necessary.

dirty_mind_by_anneeeth-d60a43s

Often times we try to hold to someone because you try to make the good outweigh the bad and hold on because you see potential.  Promises, potential, and intention can only get you so far when you begin to realize that your spouse’s words do not match their actions.

At first I felt like a failure because hey I’m young and divorced now twice.  I thought I’d be judged for my failed marriage and I would be blamed, when the reality truly is, he just did not appreciate who I was as his wife.  He has since tried to apologize a couple of times, but as soon as I walked out of the courtroom I BLOCKED his number.  There is POWER in blocking someone out of your life.

I completely spazzed out and lost my mind back in September wanting to lash out at him for hurting me and breaking our vows, but I had to let that go.  No it was not easy because after all for the few years we were together I believed everything he ever said to me.  There was nothing or no one that could have ever made me feel otherwise about him.

But I have.  See I learned a valuable and eyeopening lesson as the relationship began to fail.  Those true colors came shining through and one day I just woke and realized that I had had enough and I needed to let it go.  I vowed to come into 2017 not carrying emotional baggage that would do nothing more than slow me down.  The marriage was over, I just had to officially file for the divorce.  I DID and it was FINALIZED a month ago.

I have not seen him since Christmas Eve and that was the day that it all came crashing down into a pile of rubble.  I am not ashamed of having a heart and opening my life up to someone and accepting them for who they were.  I was not a nag.  I was a pretty damn good wife.  But I would never be enough to someone who was not ready for me.  For someone who could not love me how I deserved to be loved.  I was not the one for a man that didn’t not value my worth.  Even though he pursued our relationship and popped the magical question.

I did not settle for an unhealthy relationship.  I have continued to smile while all hell was breaking loose around me.  I am not perfect but I know it was nothing but God’s grace that has seen me through.  I will continue to pray and seek his face because I know that prayer does work.

I do not wish break-ups, divorce, and hardships on anyone because it’s not in my heart.  I have no ill-will towards anyone.  I sleep well at night because my heart is pure.  Sure I will confuse people, and people may even wonder where I come from, but I am a unique woman.  I’m brashly complex, intelligent and emotional.  I’m simultaneously nice and mean (only if you cross me).

 I’m real! I’m really really real! LOL!

I will love again!  I have love in my heart!  I will be unapologetic for how I love!

I believe in love in it’s purest form…

The highest expression of love is to give without expecting,
The highest expression of love is to accept without expectations.

~India Arie

The Emancipation of LaTilya

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s