You might not have been my first love but you were the love that made all the other loves irrelevant ~rupi kaur
It is not uncommon to go out, exploring different places, events, and socializing and seeing someone that you find attractive. That is natural. Taking in the beauty of someone shows your maturity to recognize good taste, style, and good looks at first glance, but that attraction does not last long because there are some beautiful people you come across in this world and you may never see them again. Nonetheless acknowledge that beauty, acknowledge your beauty, and remember that superficial attractions only run skin deep.
Lust is a fire burning sensation deep down in your loins that make you crave the feeling of sex. Smell sex. Drip with sweat. Wake up the next day, that’s if you go to sleep, with an understanding that nothing more than physical attraction keeps you intertwined. There is no desire to have a relationship, a commitment, or chances to do anything more than Netflix and Chill. Lust is exhausting and when the flame burns completely out there are no hard feelings. You simply close the book, walk away, and don’t look back.
Infatuation is being caught up in someone in the moment and all you see is that person. You’re not having deep conversations, but the energy feels good. You laugh. You have fun. You flirt nonstop and everything is on the surface…not completely superficial but the feelings wane in and out. Infatuation will have you thinking that you can’t let go of the feeling but soon realize that the person you were so consumed by was just a phase…a REBOUND. Now please don’t go around telling someone, “I’m infatuated with you”, because you will sound crazy. Think about some patterns you’ve seen or experienced in relationships, you realize very few people know the difference between infatuation and obsession.
I have had the unfortunate experience of other women becoming obsessed with me due to their infatuation with my dude…I’ve received friend requests, phone calls from their friends phones, and inbox messages, but that in itself is a whole other topic. However, I’m not blameless in being infatuated with someone but I know me better than anyone and I know that once I feel no connection to someone I MOVE ON! It’s not a bad thing, but knowing what you want and being unafraid to have the things that you want makes it easier to back away from dead situations. Things don’t necessarily change overnight, but pay attention the signs, there were always some unpromising indicators.
I read a quote from The 5 Love Languages, “Real love begins when infatuation wears off.” I personally believe that statement because in the beginning on ALL THINGS NEW…you just cannot get enough of the newness. You are distracted and walking through your day in a state of euphoria. But see a level-headed person knows that in the midst of the newness there is present reality that makes you either pay close attention to someone’s words or their actions. Everyone seems to be wrapped up in proving whether love is a feeling or a verb, but for me, it’s both.
We individually deal with many emotions of being attracted to someone, craving their touch, and not being able to get enough of them. But at some point you look beyond the feel good moments and begin to think…ask yourself if in a vulnerable moment was your current “obsession” a friend or a stranger on a melancholy day?
Loving the essence of someone beyond physical touch is the epitome of reciprocal love. Sex will leave you dazed and confused, but when you are able to sit and gaze into someone eyes, have a conversation and nothing beyond that happens it is easy to slip into more than LIKE with someone.
Love is making sure your emotional needs are met and there is mutual respect for your feelings. Affirm your feelings and desires for the person you give your time to and feel the natural progression occur. Believing in love at first sight is romanticized, but it can happen. People teach you how to love them, how to care for them, and how to treat them by how they treat you. You are supposed to love your neighbors as you love yourself (it is written). You are supposed to treat people how you want to be treated. But the love that runs deeper than Godly love makes you feel that there is absolutely nothing in your power you wouldn’t do for someone who WHOLEHEARTEDLY APPRECIATES your effort.
Love is not a battle field. Love is a safe haven. You will love many in a lifetime, but the love that feeds your soul and quenches your thirst is the best love to experience. I actually had someone tell me that I talk about LOVE all of the time…but that is my ESSENCE! Love is who I am. No matter what I have been through, I still believe in unequivocal LOVE.
Love is what you make and with whom you make it. ~Darius Lovehall